Post by Ayen on Nov 24, 2011 4:16:07 GMT -6
Amoura: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. I thought we were done with this, but Regis Philbin, that mongrel idiot, decided to do a Celebrity Millionaire, and network competition being what it is, I stand before you, a broken and miserable man. Let's take a look at the scores. Maricul has set a new Jeopardy record for futility with..
Maricul: Suck on it Amoura. Suck it long, and suck it hard.
Amoura: That's beautiful. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Maricul: No, but I did something to your mother with this mouth!
Amoura: Why? Leon has an impressive -$32,000.
Leon: I know Kung Fu.
Amoura: For the last time, no you don't. And finally, Samus Aran in a commanding lead with zero.
Samus Aran: Did I win? Because there's some people I need to thank.
Amoura: Let's just take a look at the board. And the categories are: "Potent Potables"; "Foreign Flicks"; "Things Amoura Sucks"-wait! [ Maricul is laughing. ] All right. [ Amoura walks over and takes down the hand-written "Things Amoura Sucks" sign. ] Let's continue..."Potpourri"; "Hot or Cold"; "What Ears Do"; "Is This A Hat"-that's where I name an object, and you tell whether or not it's a hat. And finally, "Colors That End In Urple". Samus Aran, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.
Samus Aran: I'm a girl you know.
Amoura: Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800.
Maricul: Ursula Andress.
Amoura: What?
Maricul: Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.
Amoura: That's Foreign Flicks, Maricul. Foreign Flicks. Leon, why don't you pick?
Leon: I shall take Balloons for $800, if you please.
Amoura: That's not a category.
Leon: My mistake. I shall choose Balloons for $600.
Amoura: I tell you what, let's do Colors That End in Urple. For $800. This color ends in "urple". [ Samus buzzes in. ] Samus Aran.
Samus Aran: What is light urple?
Amoura: Wow [ Leon buzzes in. ] Leon.
Leon: I will venture a guess. Who is Jaleel White?
Amoura: What?
Leon: Is that not the gentlemen who played Urple, the humorous fellow with the glasses who loves cheese?
Amoura: That's Urkel! [ Maricul buzzes in. ] Oh good, Maricul wants to say something.
Maricul: I thought of some more foreign ladies I snogged.
Amoura: Let's just go to Hot or Cold for $400. And it's a Video Daily Double. Here goes nothing. Please take a look at your video monitors.
[ screen shows Zira Firestone and two dancers. They start dancing. ]
Zira Firestone: It's me! Come on, Zira Firestone! Come on! [ music starts ]. Oh my! In this cup there's some hot tea! It's hot hot hot! Watch! [ takes a sip ] Yow! Hot hot hot! So the answer is: Hot hot hot! or cold. Hot hot hot! or cold. Come on! Hot hot hot!
[ video fades ]. [ no one buzzes in. ]
Amoura: None of you knows. No one can figure out if the hot tea is hot or cold. [ Leon buzzes in. ] Thank God! Leon.
Leon: Is it iced tea?
Amoura: [ agitated ] No! It's hot tea!
Leon: Well, then I have no idea.
Amoura: Let's just go to Final Jeopardy. The category is...oh come on, why would they do this? The category is Famous Mothers.
Maricul: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! My day has come! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Amoura: I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. [ Maricul stops laughing. ] The new category is Anything. Write anything. [ music starts ] Just write. Use your arm, hand, and special pen, and move the pen around. Scribble if you want to, just make some kind of mark. [ music stops ] OK, let's get this over with. Maricul, you wrote down: Below. I don't know why you wrote that, but technically that's a correct answer. You did write something. Let's see what you wagered: Me. Below Me. [ Maricul laughs ] Below Me...I don't get it.
Maricul: Oh, I'll bet you do, you Canadian ponch.
Amoura: Proud day for you and your family. Leon, you look rather pleased. Let's see what you wrote down: [ a blank screen is revealed ] Nothing. The question was write anything, and you got it wrong. I'm speechless. Let's see what you wagered: Eleventy billion dollars. That's not even a real number.
Leon: Yet.
Amoura: That's simply amazing. And finally, Samus Aran.
Samus Aran: Thanks Alex. I'm so honored to have been here today, there's so many people I have to thank.
I couldn't have done it without Amoura, the incredible cast and crew of Jeopardy, my publicist who is a beautiful human being...that's it.
Amoura: Touching. That's all for Jeopardy; Regis, you can have them. Good night.
Maricul: Suck on it Amoura. Suck it long, and suck it hard.
Amoura: That's beautiful. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Maricul: No, but I did something to your mother with this mouth!
Amoura: Why? Leon has an impressive -$32,000.
Leon: I know Kung Fu.
Amoura: For the last time, no you don't. And finally, Samus Aran in a commanding lead with zero.
Samus Aran: Did I win? Because there's some people I need to thank.
Amoura: Let's just take a look at the board. And the categories are: "Potent Potables"; "Foreign Flicks"; "Things Amoura Sucks"-wait! [ Maricul is laughing. ] All right. [ Amoura walks over and takes down the hand-written "Things Amoura Sucks" sign. ] Let's continue..."Potpourri"; "Hot or Cold"; "What Ears Do"; "Is This A Hat"-that's where I name an object, and you tell whether or not it's a hat. And finally, "Colors That End In Urple". Samus Aran, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.
Samus Aran: I'm a girl you know.
Amoura: Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800.
Maricul: Ursula Andress.
Amoura: What?
Maricul: Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.
Amoura: That's Foreign Flicks, Maricul. Foreign Flicks. Leon, why don't you pick?
Leon: I shall take Balloons for $800, if you please.
Amoura: That's not a category.
Leon: My mistake. I shall choose Balloons for $600.
Amoura: I tell you what, let's do Colors That End in Urple. For $800. This color ends in "urple". [ Samus buzzes in. ] Samus Aran.
Samus Aran: What is light urple?
Amoura: Wow [ Leon buzzes in. ] Leon.
Leon: I will venture a guess. Who is Jaleel White?
Amoura: What?
Leon: Is that not the gentlemen who played Urple, the humorous fellow with the glasses who loves cheese?
Amoura: That's Urkel! [ Maricul buzzes in. ] Oh good, Maricul wants to say something.
Maricul: I thought of some more foreign ladies I snogged.
Amoura: Let's just go to Hot or Cold for $400. And it's a Video Daily Double. Here goes nothing. Please take a look at your video monitors.
[ screen shows Zira Firestone and two dancers. They start dancing. ]
Zira Firestone: It's me! Come on, Zira Firestone! Come on! [ music starts ]. Oh my! In this cup there's some hot tea! It's hot hot hot! Watch! [ takes a sip ] Yow! Hot hot hot! So the answer is: Hot hot hot! or cold. Hot hot hot! or cold. Come on! Hot hot hot!
[ video fades ]. [ no one buzzes in. ]
Amoura: None of you knows. No one can figure out if the hot tea is hot or cold. [ Leon buzzes in. ] Thank God! Leon.
Leon: Is it iced tea?
Amoura: [ agitated ] No! It's hot tea!
Leon: Well, then I have no idea.
Amoura: Let's just go to Final Jeopardy. The category is...oh come on, why would they do this? The category is Famous Mothers.
Maricul: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! My day has come! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Amoura: I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. [ Maricul stops laughing. ] The new category is Anything. Write anything. [ music starts ] Just write. Use your arm, hand, and special pen, and move the pen around. Scribble if you want to, just make some kind of mark. [ music stops ] OK, let's get this over with. Maricul, you wrote down: Below. I don't know why you wrote that, but technically that's a correct answer. You did write something. Let's see what you wagered: Me. Below Me. [ Maricul laughs ] Below Me...I don't get it.
Maricul: Oh, I'll bet you do, you Canadian ponch.
Amoura: Proud day for you and your family. Leon, you look rather pleased. Let's see what you wrote down: [ a blank screen is revealed ] Nothing. The question was write anything, and you got it wrong. I'm speechless. Let's see what you wagered: Eleventy billion dollars. That's not even a real number.
Leon: Yet.
Amoura: That's simply amazing. And finally, Samus Aran.
Samus Aran: Thanks Alex. I'm so honored to have been here today, there's so many people I have to thank.
I couldn't have done it without Amoura, the incredible cast and crew of Jeopardy, my publicist who is a beautiful human being...that's it.
Amoura: Touching. That's all for Jeopardy; Regis, you can have them. Good night.
