Post by Ayen on Jul 2, 2012 19:16:00 GMT -6
So I was bored and decided to add a character in the Charmed universe named Ra Constantine who the sisters adopt. Why? Why not? Enjoy.
Season 2
I'm Just A Witch And Life Is A Nightmare
Prue: You're a witch.
Ra: I'm sorry you lost me after 'you're.'
Phoebe: Our powers are linked to our emotions. You can only explode objects when you're mad.
Ra: Which is why I can't have nice things...
Piper: Just make sure he doesn't break any of my things.
(Leo orbs in)
Ra: Aliens! (Jumps behind the couch)
Leo: Who's that?
Phoebe: That would be our innocent.
Season 3
The Honeymoon's Over
Phoebe: What if she doesn't? (A phone rings.)
Prue: Uh, that's my fax. (She goes to get it.) Doesn't what? (Phoebe puts her purse on.)
Phoebe: Wh-what if she doesn't come back? (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows.) I mean, what if when her and Leo orbed out, it was for good?
Prue: Phoebe, that is ridiculous. (Prue leaves. Phoebe follows.)
Phoebe: No Prue. It's not ridiculous. Think about it. We have not heard from her in a month. And that's not like her.
Prue: All right. Look, Piper is not going to just ditch us, okay? We're her sisters and neither is Leo. He's our whitelighter too.
Ra: (Stands at the entrance of the manor with luggage in his hands) Honey, I'm home!
Ra: (Puts down his luggage and hugs the sisters) I missed you guys! (Looks at Phoebe's hair) Ooh, I love what you've done with your hair.
Prue: Ra, what are you doing here? What is that? (Points to the luggage)
Ra: Oh just clothes, food, video games.
Prue: Are you planning on moving in?
Ra: It is so funny that you would mention that–
Prue: No.
Ra: Now let me plea my case first.
Prue: No.
Ra: Come on!
Phoebe: Ra, what happened with the orphanage?
Ra: What do you think happened? No one wants to adopt an eight year old kid who happens to always be around when objects explode!
Prue: Well you can't stay here.
Ra: I think I'd like a second opinion on that. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Ra, as much as we love having you around–
Ra: I think I want a third opinion. (Walks away) Piper!
(Piper and Leo orb in.)
Piper: We've been through this, Leo. I don't care if they are. It's not right and it's not fair.
Leo: I know that, but it's their rules.
Piper: Screw their rules. They're wrong.
Ra: Piper! (Hugs Piper) Oh I missed you so much.
Piper: What is he doing here?
Prue: Long story.
Ra: I can stay, right Piper? With you, Prue and Phoebe?
Piper: What?
Prue: We will talk about that later. Piper–
Piper: Just a second. (Push Ra off her) Leo, you better do something about this because this is not acceptable.
Leo: Piper, come on.
Piper: Oh. (She freezes him.) I'm gonna go to the club. Do not tell him.
(She leaves.)
Ra: I didn't hear a no.
Phoebe: That's still two against one.
Ra: Two against two, we need a tie breaker. Just as soon as Leo unfreezes.
Ra: All right, I know what you three are going to say but hear me out.
Piper: Ra–
Ra: Ah-ah! First I want to note that this is a big house and I am prepare to sleep on the couch, this attic or, heaven forbid, the basement.
Phoebe: Yeah, Ra–
Ra: I'll do chores around the house and you'll have someone to stay and watch your cat.
Prue: Ra! We've already discussed this. The answer's yes.
Ra: That is so un–! Was that a yes I heard?
(The sisters nod)
Ra: (squeals and runs up to hug the three) Thank you! Thank you! You will not regret this. (Runs out of the room happy)
Phoebe: You think we're doing the right thing?
Prue: Yeah, I think we are.
(The sound of something breaking catches their attention)
Ra: Oops!
Halliwell Sisters: RA!
Magic Hour
Prue: What are you wearing?
Ra: I'm dressed for school. You know, that place people go in order to learn things.
Leo: Look, there is door number three. We can try and pull this off tomorrow night, if we do it's binding. They can't even break that apart.
Ra: So am I, or am I not wearing a tux?
Prue: Shh!
Piper: But if they find out they can break us apart into a thousand little pieces.
Phoebe: Excuse me?
Piper: I believe the term he used was unspeakable wrath, the lengths of which you can't even imagine.
Ra: (gulps)
Leo: Look, I'm not gonna lie to you, we would be taking a huge risk and until they get an answer they are going to be listening very closely, so any talk of 'it' any use of the W word...
Prue: I hate to be the detail police but how are we gonna hide it from them when we're on their supernatural redial? They're always gonna be tuning in. Phoebe, did you find anything in the Book Of Shadows about how to hide this?
Phoebe: No, nothing. I'm sorry, I'm still on the unspeakable wrath part. I mean, is that just the bride and groom or does it also include bridesmaids?
Ra: Or best mans.
Prue: Guys...
Once Upon A Time
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: (To Prue) Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...
Ra: (Walks in) Tell Phoebe what about Santa?
Piper: Nothing.
Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.
Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.
Ra: Come on Piper, quit being a stick in the mud!
Phoebe: Yeah, quit being a stick in the mud.
Piper: I'm done.
Phoebe: What does that mean?
Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? (Walks around Phoebe) I going now. ...I'm going now.
Phoebe: I think she's on strike.
Ra: Can you do that?
Piper: Watch me.
Ra: Please tell me I am not the only one who just saw a bunch of little people bouncing off the walls!
All Halliwell's Eve
Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?
Piper: Yes.
Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she?
Piper: Yes.
Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.
Ra: I'm Merlin.
Prue: A wizard?
Ra: Pop Culture never considered witch a gender-neutral concept.
Piper: Nice costume.
Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.
Leo: Mine too.
Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?
Ra: An alien.
Sight Unseen
Prue: That door was unlocked.
Darryl: So?
Prue: So ever since a demon tried to steal the Book of Shadows a couple of weeks ago I've been locking it.
Darryl: You lock this door but you don't lock the front door?
Piper: I lock the front door.
Phoebe: Me too. Mostly.
Prue: I don't. Why bother?
Darryl: Because you're three young women with a kid. In fact, your whole attitude about security baffles me. You have no alarm system, no dead bolts, no dog.
Prue: Darryl, we're three witches. I think we can handle it.
Ra: Four witches. … Three and a half.
Phoebe: Cole, what are you doing here?
Cole: Are you alright? I just heard.
Phoebe: Heard what?
(Prue and Piper come down the stairs.)
Cole: Uh, about what happened, the break in. You guys okay?
Phoebe: You came all the way over her for me? I mean, for w-we? For us?
Cole: Did you get a look of who it was?
Prue: No.
Cole: I'm gonna make a call. Get a patrol car to watch the place.
Prue: That's alright, actually. I think that we can handle it.
Cole: No, you can't. I mean, you have no idea what kind of evil you're dealing with here.
Ra: And what would you know about evil?
Cole: You'd be surprise.
Phoebe: Ra. Be nice.
Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!
Ra: (Whispers) Pity...
Primrose Empath
Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.
Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Phoebe: It's a lunch date!
Prue: So?
Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu.
Ra: Well, you know what they say. When it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. There's more fish in the sea. When God closes a door he opens a window.
Phoebe: You're not helping.
Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but...
Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.
Piper: Premonition?
Phoebe: Intuition.
Ra: Just makes you want to swear off dating altogether, doesn't it?
Power Outage
Phoebe: I don't understand why you dislike Cole so much.
Ra: He's a lawyer. Lawyers lie all the time. Plus who names their kid Cole? It sounds too much like coal and if you ask me that all he gets every year for Christmas.
Phoebe: You barely know him. If you just sat down and talk to him I think you'd really like him.
Ra: Not gonna happen.
Phoebe: Yes it is, I already set it up. Tomorrow the three of us are going to dinner.
Ra: What? No!
Phoebe: You're going.
Phoebe: You decided what you're getting?
Ra: Cole buying?
Cole: Yes.
Ra: I'll have the most expensive thing on the menu.
Sleuthing With The Enemy
Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor
Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.
Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.
Ra: Sounds about right.
Phoebe: Works for me!
Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?
Ra: I knew it! I knew he was a demon, I had bad vibes from the moment I met him.
Piper: What are we going to do?
Prue: We're gonna vanquish him.
Piper: We're gonna vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.
Ra: He's a demon, she'll get over it.
Piper: Ok, I know you don't like Cole but take it from me, demon or not you don't just 'get over it.'
Coyote Piper
Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.
Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?
Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question?
Ra: If there's one thing I learned from girls it's that there's never a right answer.
Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
Ra: Well, if you get nervous just picture them in their underwear.
Piper: That's for stage fright.
Ra: High School is like a stage...
Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?
Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question.
Ra: You were a cheerleader? I always imagined you as a journalist and president of the debate team.
We All Scream For Ice Cream
Ra: It is so like demons to take something that is pure, and good, and turn it into something twisted and polluted.
Victor: Well, would it be too much to ask for a hug?
(Phoebe gets up and hugs him.)
Phoebe: It's good to see you, daddy.
Victor: Oh, baby, you have no idea.
(Ra goes and shakes Victor's hand)
Ra: Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Ra, I heard a lot about you.
Victor: Really? I didn't think the girls ever talk about me.
Ra: Most of it was last night. But I'm sure it's just because I never asked.
Piper: Ra...
Ra: Shutting up.
Victor: So, you're a witch too?
Ra: That I am.
Victor: And what can you do?
Ra: I can blow up objects with my mind. Gotta be real careful when I'm playing video games.
Victor: Your parents?
Ra: Both of them were witches. My powers didn't start becoming active until recently. They were killed by demons before they had the chance to teach me how to use them.
Victor: I'm sorry.
Ra: Your daughters saved my life, took me in when no one else would. You must be very proud.
Victor: Always.
Ra: Granted, took some convincing on my end. A little begging, a little pleading. I was about ready to pull my Puppy Dog Eyes trick. You should try that some time.
Victor: I don't think that would work on Prue.
Ra: Puppy Dog Eyes never fail, Victor.
Blinded By The Whitelighter
Ra: Who's Natalie?
Piper: She's a f...
Leo: [interrupting] Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.
Piper: Hm. That's not what I was going to say.
Prue: "The power of deflection is a witch's best shield against the forces of darkness."
Piper: "Unless the forces of darkness already have it, in which case, it's the great shield against us."
Prue: Alright, how did he get close enough to get it from such a powerful witch?
Piper: Maybe he wasn't working alone.
Leo: Or maybe he possesses the power...
Natalie: Cloning. I was just thinking the same thing.
Leo: The ability to duplicate oneself, but...
Natalie: It can't be sustained for long periods of time.
Piper: That's cute how you guys finish each other's sentences.
Ra: It's actually kind of creepy.
Natalie: Happens when you work with someone for as long as we have.
Piper: I see that.
Natalie: Wait a minute, what's going on?
Leo: I gotta go talk to Piper.
Natalie: Leo.
Leo: I'll be right back.
(Leo goes in the kitchen)
Ra: Piper froze ya.
Natalie: She-she what?
Prue: Yep.
Wrestling With Demons
Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!
Ra: What is it with you girls and dating demons?
Leo: I sorta... kinda lost the wedding ring.
(Piper gasps and Prue looks shocked)
Ra: Leo! You don't go losing precious family heirlooms, and you definitely don't admit to it if you did.
Darryl: I've got a great ring guy downtown if you need one.
Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mom's ring. I gave it to him, so he could give it back to me at the perfect, romantic moment!
Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already.
Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...
Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.
Bride And Glooms
Ra: Good morning, Piper, Leo.
Phoebe: Morning, Ra.
(Ra ignores Phoebe and eats his breakfast)
Phoebe: Ra?
(Ra continues to ignore Phoebe)
Phoebe: Unbelievable. That's two people in this house who won't speak to me.
Phoebe: Ra! Hey!
(Ra runs up into his room after entering the house)
Phoebe: You can't ignore me forever!
Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book.
Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look.
Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.
Piper: But it does have possibilities...
Leo: Piper!
Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was ... (she blinks into the kitchen.)
Leo: Piper?
Piper: In here, somehow ...
Leo: You blinked.
Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that.
Leo: Nope, you did it.
Ra: That is so cool.
The Good, The Bad And The Cursed
Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.
Prue, Leo & Ra: What?!
Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
Ra: A dead man walking in every sense of the word.
Cole: You have to hold my hand.
Prue: This sucks already.
Ra: Watch your ass, Prue!
(Everyone looks at Ra)
Ra: What?
Leo: Hey. Are you all right?
Ra: No. No I am not all right. Phoebe is dying and all we can do is watch. I already lost my parents I cannot lose a sister.
Leo: I know it's hard, but we have to have faith that Prue and Cole will come through.
Ra: A demon? Trust a demon? How do you know he didn't set this whole thing up, he spent the past couple of months trying to kill us.
Leo: No, it's different this time I can sense it.
Ra: You can sense it. Well let's hope for all our sake that isn't just gas.
Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?
Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.
Phoebe: He's right.
Victor: How can you be so sure?
Ra: Because he loves her as much as she loves him.
Just Harried
Ra: From Best Man to Ring Bearer, that's quite the demotion.
Phoebe: Well, for a more traditional wedding kids your age are normally Ring Bearers. But hey you're being entrusted with mom's ring, that's a really big responsibility.
Ra: Not helping.
Phoebe: (Finish tying Ra's bow tie) There, now don't you look handsome.
Ra: I don't suppose you found a cute Flower Girl to go with me?
Phoebe: Aren't you a little young for that?
Ra: I'm not too young to have superpowers.
Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.
Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.
Cole: Everybody having fun down here?
Leo: Where do you stand on demons?
Ra: The fact you have to ask kinda shows you haven't been listening.
Victor: Patty.
Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?
Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?
Ra: Don't look at me I deconstruct things, I don't reconstruct.
Death Takes A Halliwell
Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.
Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.
Ra: Ahem!
Phoebe: And a bowl of ice cream for Prince Ra.
Ra: All hail the queen!
Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!
Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..
Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.
Ra: Hehe... you said wife!
Ra: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!
Pre-Witched
Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.
Prue: Black hair?
Piper: Bad breath?
Phoebe: You know him?
Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.
Ra: Wait, you all killed the same guy? I don't think this is what they meant by 'share and share alike.'
Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk?
Prue: Excuse me?
Ra: What!?
Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'.
Sin Francisco
Prue: Oh, no, no, no, Leo's not up there. He's in the living room watching TV.
Piper: What are you doing?
Leo: Just kicking back.
Piper: Something is wrong with this picture. You need chips. I'll go get some.
(Piper heads for the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Oh, turn on MTV, I wanna see Carson Daily, he is so hot.
(Phoebe sits on the couch beside Leo.)
Ra: No. This is my turf, we're watching what I want to watch.
(Grabs the remote and turns the TV to cartoons)
Prue: Okay, uh, excuse me, sins in a box. Demon hunt, real life. Can we please focus here?
Prue: Leo, I would like for you to orb up there and ask the Elders what they know, okay?
Leo: I'm too tired.
Prue: Leo, (she hits him on the arm) get up there right now! You're a Whitelighter, that is your job.
Leo: Why? You never listen to me anyway. (He yawns.) I think I'm gonna orb upstairs and take a nap.
(He orbs out. Phoebe picks up a magazine and starts to read it.)
Prue: Fine! Fine, orb, who needs you anyway? (Piper puts on a pair of boxing gloves.) We still have the power of three.
(She looks at Piper and Phoebe.)
Ra: I don't suppose you have a plan B?
The Demon Who Came In From The Cold
Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.
Leo: We have to.
Piper: We've been in tighter jams than this before.
Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.
Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.
Leo: The foreign film? I thought we were gonna go see a thriller.
Phoebe: No, Leo, I wanna stop thinking about Cole and his demon dodging, not be reminded of it.
Leo: Piper?
Phoebe: Leo, it is three votes for Faithless.
Piper: Well, a thriller would be okay.
Prue: Okay, wait a second, the vote's two against two?
Phoebe: That's new.
Piper: Welcome to the power of four.
Phoebe: All right Ra, we need a tie breaker.
Ra: Thriller.
Phoebe: Such a boy.
Piper: Alright, we were just about to find out who the real killer is and the pager goes off, so this better be a really good emergency.
Phoebe: Well, I'm the real killer. I just vanquished Cole's brother.
Prue: Whoa, this is so much better than the movie.
Cole: I didn't want him to see me.
Phoebe: And we lost an innocent because of it. Some poor street prophet. He was ranting about the brotherhood.
Leo: Brotherhood? Of the thorn?
Ra: Ooh, nothing good ever comes from a sentence that starts with brotherhood.
Cole: Yeah. I was a member... am a member.
Ra: That's even worse.
Piper: What does that mean? What does he mean?
Leo: You should have told us.
Cole: I've done a lot in the last hundred years, it's gonna take a while to catch you up.
Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your kick, freeze, magical move. No offense intended.
Piper: Some taken.
Leo: No, he's right. They're way beyond anything you've dealt with before.
Phoebe: So we can't just let them go. There's gotta be a way to find out what they're planning.
Cole: There is one way. For me to go back.
Phoebe: Cole.
Cole: If you want to know what they're up to we have no choice.
Phoebe: Okay, but you'll be exposing yourself to the source. They'll kill you.
Cole: Maybe not. They've probably already surfaced, set up camp in this world. I won't have to go under completely.
Prue: It does kind of make sense.
Ra: I agree.
Phoebe: Well, of course it makes sense to you guys, you're always looking for a way to get Cole out of our lives.
Piper: Phoebe.
Cole: This isn't about them, Phoebe, it's about me.
Phoebe: No, it's about us.
Piper: I'm worried, and not just about Cole but also Phoebe. I mean, sending him back under is like sending an alcoholic to a kegger. It's just setting him up to fall.
Leo: I agree.
(They walk into the conservatory.)
Prue: Alright, this whole voting together thing would be really really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe you guys vote should just count as one for now on.
Piper: I bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with you.
(Prue gives Piper an evil stare.)
Ra: I don't even see why we're discussing this, let him go hang out with his demon friends and see what he can find out. What's the point of even having a demon in your pocket if you don't use him.
Piper: You don't get a vote this time.
Ra: I'm a part of this family too.
Piper: You're still way too young for stuff like this, besides you're not the most unbiased voice when it comes to Cole.
Leo: Piper's right, Ra. You're letting your personal feelings towards Cole get in the way of what's right.
Ra: Hey, I have tolerated his Darth Maul ripoff self ever since he helped save Phoebe from the Wild, Wild, West I think I earned a little 'benefit of the doubt.'
Prue: Okay, look, the only votes that count are Phoebe and Cole's, and Cole has already volunteered.
Piper: Well, then maybe Phoebe can talk him out of it.
Prue: Right, which is why we need another plan. So you guys work on the Book of Shadows together and I will call Morris and see what he knows.
Ra: All right, I'll just stand here and twiddle my thumbs.
Piper: Poor Phoebe, she must be going out of her mind.
Prue: It's only been three hours.
Piper: Three and a half. Way past the time he said he would check in with her. Leo, maybe you should orb into the mausoleum and see if she's heard from him.
Ra: Maybe he died.
Piper: Really not helping.
Ra: It's a possibility.
Leo: We'd know by now if he was dead.
Prue: Well, she said that she would call if she had.
Leo: Besides, I think I should stay here till we figure out what the brotherhoods plan is.
Piper: Oh, and now you're voting with her.
Ra: Sucks doesn't it?
Prue: Um, Lockserom, that's what the Prophet said, right?
(Prue shows them an article in the newspaper.)
Leo: "Merger talks between Lockserom and meta satellite faltered over the weekend."
Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to preserve stock portfolios?
Prue: No, it's much bigger than that. According to this, if the merger goes through, the world's affirmation flow will wind up in the hands of one company.
Ra: Well, that sounds evil by itself.
Leo: Except for one of the CEO's, Frank Pirelli, is apparently getting cold feet about it.
Prue: Yeah, what do you wanna bet the brotherhood wants this merger to go through so they can take over the company?
Leo: Which means they're gonna have to somehow force Pirelli to vote for it.
Prue: Yeah, or kill him. It sure would be nice to be able to compare notes with Cole.
Piper: Well, we could if someone would orb to the mausoleum.
Ra: That's your cue, Brother-N-Law.
Exit Strategy
Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Elysees.
Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed.
Leo: Well, great, except that we're not.
Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.)
Leo: Where did you get that?
Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya?
Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924.
Piper: No, you weren't. Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school.
Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate.
Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number.
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? Let's not get technical now.
Prue: (walks into kitchen with Ra) Morning. What's up?
Leo: Oh, probably 3 to 5 years in jail if we're lucky.
Ra: Ah, forging things are we? I seem to recall a certain somebody grounding me for forging their name on a bad grade paper.
Piper: Don't you start.
Ra: Let's face it, you're a bad influence on me.
Phoebe: Piper?
Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?
Piper: No, it was watermelon!
Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
Ra: Oh my god, my power. Piper has my power. I'm free! (accidentally explodes something from excitement) Spoke too soon.
Piper: I don't know what is up with me. Every time I try to freeze, I flame!
Ra: Well being a good witch myself I'm glad I can't freeze, but until we know for sure good witches can't flame maybe you should be careful where you aim your hands.
Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...
Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.
Ra: It's why I already started on my Will. Phoebe gets my Harry Potter books, Prue gets a Rubik's Cube and since Piper likes to keep her hands busy she has been bestowed my Game Boy.
Piper: You might want to give it to someone who isn't likely to blow it up.
Ra: Trust me, if I haven't blown it up by now you won't either.
Prue: Wait, all I get is a Rubik's Cube?
Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.
Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.
Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.
Ra: You ain't broken, we finally have something in common now. Together we are the Boom-Booms.
Piper: The Boom-Booms?
Ra: It's a working title.
(Prue pops the attic door open, and she, Piper, Phoebe and Ra rush in. While Prue and Piper run to Leo, Phoebe and Ra stares at Belthazor.)
Belthazor: Phoebe...
Piper: (bending over Leo) What did you do to him?! (Belthazor changes back into Cole)
Phoebe: I saw what you did.
Cole: It's not what it looks like, it wasn't–
Phoebe: Janna is dead and Leo is unconscious. What else could it be?
Cole: Raynor forced me. I had no choice.
Phoebe: There's always a choice, Cole!
Cole: (looks at the potion) The potion. (reaches for it, but Phoebe grabs it) Before it's too late.
Phoebe: It's already too late. You killed an innocent woman, there is no turning back from that.
Cole: I didn't want to kill her, you've gotta understand that. I can still be good.
Phoebe: There's nothing good in you anymore.
Prue: Maybe there never was. You have to read the spell to activate the amulets, right? I mean, Cole, maybe that was your plan all along, to get the Book.
Piper: But evil can't use the amulets or the Book.
Phoebe: He could have if he'd stripped his powers. (her voice raising) Is that why you wanted the potion, Cole? So you could get the spell and use the amulets against us?!
Cole: Phoebe, you've gotta believe me.
Ra: I think she's believed you one too many times.
Cole: Stay outta this! This is between her and me.
Phoebe: There's nothing between us anymore.
Cole: Phoebe, don't let Raynor take this away from us. Don't let him win.
Phoebe: Raynor didn't set me up. You set me up. What am I supposed to do?
Cole: (reaches for the potion) Please, save me.
Phoebe: Save yourself. (She smashes the potion to the ground. Cole sullenly stares at the sisters, and shimmers out.)
Look Who's Barking
Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.
Ra: You still have me. Ready to watch all the black and white chick flicks you want.
Phoebe: Eh, I'm not feeling very lovey dovey right now.
Prue: I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.
Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.
Ra: We should go on a roller coaster ride.
Phoebe: I like that idea. I am in.
Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.
Piper: Yes I can.
Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.
Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters and a brother who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.
Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?
Ra: Girls, allow me. From one Boom-Boom witch to another.
Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.
Ra: What else did you expect?
Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls) Easy!
Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.
Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.
(Prue growls)
Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?
Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vanquish a banshee.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.
Leo: Yeah!!
Ra: I'm gonna go get a bone, for distracting purposes and not at all to play fetch with.
Leo: Piper, are you okay?
Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog, and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vicinity of "okay." How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshees thing a little bit earlier.
Leo: Honey, just try and relax.
Piper: Would you stop telling me to relax! [blows up sewing machine] That was Grams's sewing machine...!
Leo: Well, we don't have time for you to lose it.
Piper: Well, too bad, because I am losing it whether we have time for it or not.
Leo: Listen to me, we have to save Phoebe before she hurts anyone. If she kills just one person, she will stay a banshee forever.
Ra: Okay, could you give us all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?
Leo: We have to find Phoebe.
Piper: How, without Prue to track her?
Leo: We'll find a way. You can do this, Piper.
Piper: No, actually, I can't. See, 'cause Prue and Phoebe are the superwitches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.
Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.
Cole: A Banshee? Huh...that's different.
Ra: Yeah, and it's kind of your fault.
Prue: What are you doing?
Piper: I think you've got fleas.
Prue: You know what, that is so not funny, cause I think I do.
Piper: I think you do.
Prue: Okay, you have no idea how hard it was being a dog, okay, I mean, peeing outside, eating everything and anything, and just smelling everything...
Ra: Must have been ruff! No pun intended.
Prue: Aha... aha... Well, at least I got to meet a really cute guy.
Piper: You met a guy?
Prue: Mmhmm...
Ra: As a dog?!
Prue: Mmhmm...
Piper: How?!
Prue: Well, he ran me over.
Ra: Like they say, if they don't bury you at the side of the road it's love at first sight.
All Hell Breaks Loose
Prue: You're banking an awful lot on that little potion of yours.
Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.
Ra: Again with the demon.
Phoebe: Half-demon.
Ra: Sure, if you want to be technical. Half-demon.
Darryl: Have you seen the TV yet today? It's all over it.
Prue: What's all over it, Darryl?
Darryl: Just turn on the TV, okay?
(Cut back to the manor.)
Darryl: I told the captain I would handle it.
(Prue and Piper look at the TV in the kitchen. It's showing the footage of Prue and Piper vanquishing Shax.)
Piper: Oh my god!
Darryl: (on phone) Prue? Prue?
(The footage changes to Elana and her cameraman in a car.)
Elana: (on TV) Here we are approaching the home of where they allegedly live.
Prue: Oh!
(Prue drops the phone and covers her mouth in shock.)
Ra: That's our house. They're right outside our house!
(Elana is now standing in front of the manor.)
Elana: (on TV) Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell. And you're gonna meet them live right here on KCSF.
Piper: What are we gonna do?
Ra: Move. To Quebec. I'll learn French.
Ra: You know, maybe when Phoebe's done saving Cole, she can come back and save us.
Prue: Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.
Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.
Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know.
Ra: How do we fix it?
Leo: You have to try and contact Tempus.
Prue: Uh, Tempus? T-Tempus, the demon?
Ra: Who's Tempus?
Piper: A dangerous demon sorcerer who tried to murder us!
Leo: It's a long shot but he's the only one on the other side who has the power to manipulate time. To reset everything before this all started.
Prue: Okay, you're, you're definitely right, that-that qualifies as a long shot.
Piper: I don't know why we're bothering to do this.
Prue: In case time doesn't reset itself.
(Prue puts a chair against the door.)
Ra: If time doesn't reset itself, this table against that door is not gonna help much.
Prue: Yeah, well, then we better start thinking about what would, okay? Because if Leo doesn't succeed, we're gonna have to figure out what we're gonna do.
(They walk into the living room.)
Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows) and then taken by the CIA and dissected.
Prue: Yeah, how can you be joking about this, Piper?
Piper: Who's joking?
Season 2
I'm Just A Witch And Life Is A Nightmare
Prue: You're a witch.
Ra: I'm sorry you lost me after 'you're.'
Phoebe: Our powers are linked to our emotions. You can only explode objects when you're mad.
Ra: Which is why I can't have nice things...
Piper: Just make sure he doesn't break any of my things.
(Leo orbs in)
Ra: Aliens! (Jumps behind the couch)
Leo: Who's that?
Phoebe: That would be our innocent.
Season 3
The Honeymoon's Over
Phoebe: What if she doesn't? (A phone rings.)
Prue: Uh, that's my fax. (She goes to get it.) Doesn't what? (Phoebe puts her purse on.)
Phoebe: Wh-what if she doesn't come back? (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows.) I mean, what if when her and Leo orbed out, it was for good?
Prue: Phoebe, that is ridiculous. (Prue leaves. Phoebe follows.)
Phoebe: No Prue. It's not ridiculous. Think about it. We have not heard from her in a month. And that's not like her.
Prue: All right. Look, Piper is not going to just ditch us, okay? We're her sisters and neither is Leo. He's our whitelighter too.
Ra: (Stands at the entrance of the manor with luggage in his hands) Honey, I'm home!
Ra: (Puts down his luggage and hugs the sisters) I missed you guys! (Looks at Phoebe's hair) Ooh, I love what you've done with your hair.
Prue: Ra, what are you doing here? What is that? (Points to the luggage)
Ra: Oh just clothes, food, video games.
Prue: Are you planning on moving in?
Ra: It is so funny that you would mention that–
Prue: No.
Ra: Now let me plea my case first.
Prue: No.
Ra: Come on!
Phoebe: Ra, what happened with the orphanage?
Ra: What do you think happened? No one wants to adopt an eight year old kid who happens to always be around when objects explode!
Prue: Well you can't stay here.
Ra: I think I'd like a second opinion on that. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Ra, as much as we love having you around–
Ra: I think I want a third opinion. (Walks away) Piper!
(Piper and Leo orb in.)
Piper: We've been through this, Leo. I don't care if they are. It's not right and it's not fair.
Leo: I know that, but it's their rules.
Piper: Screw their rules. They're wrong.
Ra: Piper! (Hugs Piper) Oh I missed you so much.
Piper: What is he doing here?
Prue: Long story.
Ra: I can stay, right Piper? With you, Prue and Phoebe?
Piper: What?
Prue: We will talk about that later. Piper–
Piper: Just a second. (Push Ra off her) Leo, you better do something about this because this is not acceptable.
Leo: Piper, come on.
Piper: Oh. (She freezes him.) I'm gonna go to the club. Do not tell him.
(She leaves.)
Ra: I didn't hear a no.
Phoebe: That's still two against one.
Ra: Two against two, we need a tie breaker. Just as soon as Leo unfreezes.
Ra: All right, I know what you three are going to say but hear me out.
Piper: Ra–
Ra: Ah-ah! First I want to note that this is a big house and I am prepare to sleep on the couch, this attic or, heaven forbid, the basement.
Phoebe: Yeah, Ra–
Ra: I'll do chores around the house and you'll have someone to stay and watch your cat.
Prue: Ra! We've already discussed this. The answer's yes.
Ra: That is so un–! Was that a yes I heard?
(The sisters nod)
Ra: (squeals and runs up to hug the three) Thank you! Thank you! You will not regret this. (Runs out of the room happy)
Phoebe: You think we're doing the right thing?
Prue: Yeah, I think we are.
(The sound of something breaking catches their attention)
Ra: Oops!
Halliwell Sisters: RA!
Magic Hour
Prue: What are you wearing?
Ra: I'm dressed for school. You know, that place people go in order to learn things.
Leo: Look, there is door number three. We can try and pull this off tomorrow night, if we do it's binding. They can't even break that apart.
Ra: So am I, or am I not wearing a tux?
Prue: Shh!
Piper: But if they find out they can break us apart into a thousand little pieces.
Phoebe: Excuse me?
Piper: I believe the term he used was unspeakable wrath, the lengths of which you can't even imagine.
Ra: (gulps)
Leo: Look, I'm not gonna lie to you, we would be taking a huge risk and until they get an answer they are going to be listening very closely, so any talk of 'it' any use of the W word...
Prue: I hate to be the detail police but how are we gonna hide it from them when we're on their supernatural redial? They're always gonna be tuning in. Phoebe, did you find anything in the Book Of Shadows about how to hide this?
Phoebe: No, nothing. I'm sorry, I'm still on the unspeakable wrath part. I mean, is that just the bride and groom or does it also include bridesmaids?
Ra: Or best mans.
Prue: Guys...
Once Upon A Time
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: (To Prue) Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...
Ra: (Walks in) Tell Phoebe what about Santa?
Piper: Nothing.
Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.
Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.
Ra: Come on Piper, quit being a stick in the mud!
Phoebe: Yeah, quit being a stick in the mud.
Piper: I'm done.
Phoebe: What does that mean?
Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? (Walks around Phoebe) I going now. ...I'm going now.
Phoebe: I think she's on strike.
Ra: Can you do that?
Piper: Watch me.
Ra: Please tell me I am not the only one who just saw a bunch of little people bouncing off the walls!
All Halliwell's Eve
Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?
Piper: Yes.
Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she?
Piper: Yes.
Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.
Ra: I'm Merlin.
Prue: A wizard?
Ra: Pop Culture never considered witch a gender-neutral concept.
Piper: Nice costume.
Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.
Leo: Mine too.
Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?
Ra: An alien.
Sight Unseen
Prue: That door was unlocked.
Darryl: So?
Prue: So ever since a demon tried to steal the Book of Shadows a couple of weeks ago I've been locking it.
Darryl: You lock this door but you don't lock the front door?
Piper: I lock the front door.
Phoebe: Me too. Mostly.
Prue: I don't. Why bother?
Darryl: Because you're three young women with a kid. In fact, your whole attitude about security baffles me. You have no alarm system, no dead bolts, no dog.
Prue: Darryl, we're three witches. I think we can handle it.
Ra: Four witches. … Three and a half.
Phoebe: Cole, what are you doing here?
Cole: Are you alright? I just heard.
Phoebe: Heard what?
(Prue and Piper come down the stairs.)
Cole: Uh, about what happened, the break in. You guys okay?
Phoebe: You came all the way over her for me? I mean, for w-we? For us?
Cole: Did you get a look of who it was?
Prue: No.
Cole: I'm gonna make a call. Get a patrol car to watch the place.
Prue: That's alright, actually. I think that we can handle it.
Cole: No, you can't. I mean, you have no idea what kind of evil you're dealing with here.
Ra: And what would you know about evil?
Cole: You'd be surprise.
Phoebe: Ra. Be nice.
Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!
Ra: (Whispers) Pity...
Primrose Empath
Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.
Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Phoebe: It's a lunch date!
Prue: So?
Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu.
Ra: Well, you know what they say. When it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. There's more fish in the sea. When God closes a door he opens a window.
Phoebe: You're not helping.
Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but...
Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.
Piper: Premonition?
Phoebe: Intuition.
Ra: Just makes you want to swear off dating altogether, doesn't it?
Power Outage
Phoebe: I don't understand why you dislike Cole so much.
Ra: He's a lawyer. Lawyers lie all the time. Plus who names their kid Cole? It sounds too much like coal and if you ask me that all he gets every year for Christmas.
Phoebe: You barely know him. If you just sat down and talk to him I think you'd really like him.
Ra: Not gonna happen.
Phoebe: Yes it is, I already set it up. Tomorrow the three of us are going to dinner.
Ra: What? No!
Phoebe: You're going.
Phoebe: You decided what you're getting?
Ra: Cole buying?
Cole: Yes.
Ra: I'll have the most expensive thing on the menu.
Sleuthing With The Enemy
Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor
Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.
Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.
Ra: Sounds about right.
Phoebe: Works for me!
Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?
Ra: I knew it! I knew he was a demon, I had bad vibes from the moment I met him.
Piper: What are we going to do?
Prue: We're gonna vanquish him.
Piper: We're gonna vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.
Ra: He's a demon, she'll get over it.
Piper: Ok, I know you don't like Cole but take it from me, demon or not you don't just 'get over it.'
Coyote Piper
Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.
Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?
Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question?
Ra: If there's one thing I learned from girls it's that there's never a right answer.
Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.
Ra: Well, if you get nervous just picture them in their underwear.
Piper: That's for stage fright.
Ra: High School is like a stage...
Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?
Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question.
Ra: You were a cheerleader? I always imagined you as a journalist and president of the debate team.
We All Scream For Ice Cream
Ra: It is so like demons to take something that is pure, and good, and turn it into something twisted and polluted.
Victor: Well, would it be too much to ask for a hug?
(Phoebe gets up and hugs him.)
Phoebe: It's good to see you, daddy.
Victor: Oh, baby, you have no idea.
(Ra goes and shakes Victor's hand)
Ra: Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Ra, I heard a lot about you.
Victor: Really? I didn't think the girls ever talk about me.
Ra: Most of it was last night. But I'm sure it's just because I never asked.
Piper: Ra...
Ra: Shutting up.
Victor: So, you're a witch too?
Ra: That I am.
Victor: And what can you do?
Ra: I can blow up objects with my mind. Gotta be real careful when I'm playing video games.
Victor: Your parents?
Ra: Both of them were witches. My powers didn't start becoming active until recently. They were killed by demons before they had the chance to teach me how to use them.
Victor: I'm sorry.
Ra: Your daughters saved my life, took me in when no one else would. You must be very proud.
Victor: Always.
Ra: Granted, took some convincing on my end. A little begging, a little pleading. I was about ready to pull my Puppy Dog Eyes trick. You should try that some time.
Victor: I don't think that would work on Prue.
Ra: Puppy Dog Eyes never fail, Victor.
Blinded By The Whitelighter
Ra: Who's Natalie?
Piper: She's a f...
Leo: [interrupting] Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.
Piper: Hm. That's not what I was going to say.
Prue: "The power of deflection is a witch's best shield against the forces of darkness."
Piper: "Unless the forces of darkness already have it, in which case, it's the great shield against us."
Prue: Alright, how did he get close enough to get it from such a powerful witch?
Piper: Maybe he wasn't working alone.
Leo: Or maybe he possesses the power...
Natalie: Cloning. I was just thinking the same thing.
Leo: The ability to duplicate oneself, but...
Natalie: It can't be sustained for long periods of time.
Piper: That's cute how you guys finish each other's sentences.
Ra: It's actually kind of creepy.
Natalie: Happens when you work with someone for as long as we have.
Piper: I see that.
Natalie: Wait a minute, what's going on?
Leo: I gotta go talk to Piper.
Natalie: Leo.
Leo: I'll be right back.
(Leo goes in the kitchen)
Ra: Piper froze ya.
Natalie: She-she what?
Prue: Yep.
Wrestling With Demons
Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!
Ra: What is it with you girls and dating demons?
Leo: I sorta... kinda lost the wedding ring.
(Piper gasps and Prue looks shocked)
Ra: Leo! You don't go losing precious family heirlooms, and you definitely don't admit to it if you did.
Darryl: I've got a great ring guy downtown if you need one.
Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mom's ring. I gave it to him, so he could give it back to me at the perfect, romantic moment!
Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already.
Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...
Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.
Bride And Glooms
Ra: Good morning, Piper, Leo.
Phoebe: Morning, Ra.
(Ra ignores Phoebe and eats his breakfast)
Phoebe: Ra?
(Ra continues to ignore Phoebe)
Phoebe: Unbelievable. That's two people in this house who won't speak to me.
Phoebe: Ra! Hey!
(Ra runs up into his room after entering the house)
Phoebe: You can't ignore me forever!
Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book.
Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look.
Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.
Piper: But it does have possibilities...
Leo: Piper!
Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was ... (she blinks into the kitchen.)
Leo: Piper?
Piper: In here, somehow ...
Leo: You blinked.
Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that.
Leo: Nope, you did it.
Ra: That is so cool.
The Good, The Bad And The Cursed
Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.
Prue, Leo & Ra: What?!
Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
Ra: A dead man walking in every sense of the word.
Cole: You have to hold my hand.
Prue: This sucks already.
Ra: Watch your ass, Prue!
(Everyone looks at Ra)
Ra: What?
Leo: Hey. Are you all right?
Ra: No. No I am not all right. Phoebe is dying and all we can do is watch. I already lost my parents I cannot lose a sister.
Leo: I know it's hard, but we have to have faith that Prue and Cole will come through.
Ra: A demon? Trust a demon? How do you know he didn't set this whole thing up, he spent the past couple of months trying to kill us.
Leo: No, it's different this time I can sense it.
Ra: You can sense it. Well let's hope for all our sake that isn't just gas.
Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?
Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.
Phoebe: He's right.
Victor: How can you be so sure?
Ra: Because he loves her as much as she loves him.
Just Harried
Ra: From Best Man to Ring Bearer, that's quite the demotion.
Phoebe: Well, for a more traditional wedding kids your age are normally Ring Bearers. But hey you're being entrusted with mom's ring, that's a really big responsibility.
Ra: Not helping.
Phoebe: (Finish tying Ra's bow tie) There, now don't you look handsome.
Ra: I don't suppose you found a cute Flower Girl to go with me?
Phoebe: Aren't you a little young for that?
Ra: I'm not too young to have superpowers.
Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.
Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.
Cole: Everybody having fun down here?
Leo: Where do you stand on demons?
Ra: The fact you have to ask kinda shows you haven't been listening.
Victor: Patty.
Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?
Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?
Ra: Don't look at me I deconstruct things, I don't reconstruct.
Death Takes A Halliwell
Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.
Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.
Ra: Ahem!
Phoebe: And a bowl of ice cream for Prince Ra.
Ra: All hail the queen!
Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!
Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..
Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.
Ra: Hehe... you said wife!
Ra: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!
Pre-Witched
Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.
Prue: Black hair?
Piper: Bad breath?
Phoebe: You know him?
Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.
Ra: Wait, you all killed the same guy? I don't think this is what they meant by 'share and share alike.'
Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk?
Prue: Excuse me?
Ra: What!?
Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'.
Sin Francisco
Prue: Oh, no, no, no, Leo's not up there. He's in the living room watching TV.
Piper: What are you doing?
Leo: Just kicking back.
Piper: Something is wrong with this picture. You need chips. I'll go get some.
(Piper heads for the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Oh, turn on MTV, I wanna see Carson Daily, he is so hot.
(Phoebe sits on the couch beside Leo.)
Ra: No. This is my turf, we're watching what I want to watch.
(Grabs the remote and turns the TV to cartoons)
Prue: Okay, uh, excuse me, sins in a box. Demon hunt, real life. Can we please focus here?
Prue: Leo, I would like for you to orb up there and ask the Elders what they know, okay?
Leo: I'm too tired.
Prue: Leo, (she hits him on the arm) get up there right now! You're a Whitelighter, that is your job.
Leo: Why? You never listen to me anyway. (He yawns.) I think I'm gonna orb upstairs and take a nap.
(He orbs out. Phoebe picks up a magazine and starts to read it.)
Prue: Fine! Fine, orb, who needs you anyway? (Piper puts on a pair of boxing gloves.) We still have the power of three.
(She looks at Piper and Phoebe.)
Ra: I don't suppose you have a plan B?
The Demon Who Came In From The Cold
Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.
Leo: We have to.
Piper: We've been in tighter jams than this before.
Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.
Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.
Leo: The foreign film? I thought we were gonna go see a thriller.
Phoebe: No, Leo, I wanna stop thinking about Cole and his demon dodging, not be reminded of it.
Leo: Piper?
Phoebe: Leo, it is three votes for Faithless.
Piper: Well, a thriller would be okay.
Prue: Okay, wait a second, the vote's two against two?
Phoebe: That's new.
Piper: Welcome to the power of four.
Phoebe: All right Ra, we need a tie breaker.
Ra: Thriller.
Phoebe: Such a boy.
Piper: Alright, we were just about to find out who the real killer is and the pager goes off, so this better be a really good emergency.
Phoebe: Well, I'm the real killer. I just vanquished Cole's brother.
Prue: Whoa, this is so much better than the movie.
Cole: I didn't want him to see me.
Phoebe: And we lost an innocent because of it. Some poor street prophet. He was ranting about the brotherhood.
Leo: Brotherhood? Of the thorn?
Ra: Ooh, nothing good ever comes from a sentence that starts with brotherhood.
Cole: Yeah. I was a member... am a member.
Ra: That's even worse.
Piper: What does that mean? What does he mean?
Leo: You should have told us.
Cole: I've done a lot in the last hundred years, it's gonna take a while to catch you up.
Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your kick, freeze, magical move. No offense intended.
Piper: Some taken.
Leo: No, he's right. They're way beyond anything you've dealt with before.
Phoebe: So we can't just let them go. There's gotta be a way to find out what they're planning.
Cole: There is one way. For me to go back.
Phoebe: Cole.
Cole: If you want to know what they're up to we have no choice.
Phoebe: Okay, but you'll be exposing yourself to the source. They'll kill you.
Cole: Maybe not. They've probably already surfaced, set up camp in this world. I won't have to go under completely.
Prue: It does kind of make sense.
Ra: I agree.
Phoebe: Well, of course it makes sense to you guys, you're always looking for a way to get Cole out of our lives.
Piper: Phoebe.
Cole: This isn't about them, Phoebe, it's about me.
Phoebe: No, it's about us.
Piper: I'm worried, and not just about Cole but also Phoebe. I mean, sending him back under is like sending an alcoholic to a kegger. It's just setting him up to fall.
Leo: I agree.
(They walk into the conservatory.)
Prue: Alright, this whole voting together thing would be really really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe you guys vote should just count as one for now on.
Piper: I bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with you.
(Prue gives Piper an evil stare.)
Ra: I don't even see why we're discussing this, let him go hang out with his demon friends and see what he can find out. What's the point of even having a demon in your pocket if you don't use him.
Piper: You don't get a vote this time.
Ra: I'm a part of this family too.
Piper: You're still way too young for stuff like this, besides you're not the most unbiased voice when it comes to Cole.
Leo: Piper's right, Ra. You're letting your personal feelings towards Cole get in the way of what's right.
Ra: Hey, I have tolerated his Darth Maul ripoff self ever since he helped save Phoebe from the Wild, Wild, West I think I earned a little 'benefit of the doubt.'
Prue: Okay, look, the only votes that count are Phoebe and Cole's, and Cole has already volunteered.
Piper: Well, then maybe Phoebe can talk him out of it.
Prue: Right, which is why we need another plan. So you guys work on the Book of Shadows together and I will call Morris and see what he knows.
Ra: All right, I'll just stand here and twiddle my thumbs.
Piper: Poor Phoebe, she must be going out of her mind.
Prue: It's only been three hours.
Piper: Three and a half. Way past the time he said he would check in with her. Leo, maybe you should orb into the mausoleum and see if she's heard from him.
Ra: Maybe he died.
Piper: Really not helping.
Ra: It's a possibility.
Leo: We'd know by now if he was dead.
Prue: Well, she said that she would call if she had.
Leo: Besides, I think I should stay here till we figure out what the brotherhoods plan is.
Piper: Oh, and now you're voting with her.
Ra: Sucks doesn't it?
Prue: Um, Lockserom, that's what the Prophet said, right?
(Prue shows them an article in the newspaper.)
Leo: "Merger talks between Lockserom and meta satellite faltered over the weekend."
Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to preserve stock portfolios?
Prue: No, it's much bigger than that. According to this, if the merger goes through, the world's affirmation flow will wind up in the hands of one company.
Ra: Well, that sounds evil by itself.
Leo: Except for one of the CEO's, Frank Pirelli, is apparently getting cold feet about it.
Prue: Yeah, what do you wanna bet the brotherhood wants this merger to go through so they can take over the company?
Leo: Which means they're gonna have to somehow force Pirelli to vote for it.
Prue: Yeah, or kill him. It sure would be nice to be able to compare notes with Cole.
Piper: Well, we could if someone would orb to the mausoleum.
Ra: That's your cue, Brother-N-Law.
Exit Strategy
Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Elysees.
Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed.
Leo: Well, great, except that we're not.
Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.)
Leo: Where did you get that?
Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya?
Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924.
Piper: No, you weren't. Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school.
Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate.
Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number.
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? Let's not get technical now.
Prue: (walks into kitchen with Ra) Morning. What's up?
Leo: Oh, probably 3 to 5 years in jail if we're lucky.
Ra: Ah, forging things are we? I seem to recall a certain somebody grounding me for forging their name on a bad grade paper.
Piper: Don't you start.
Ra: Let's face it, you're a bad influence on me.
Phoebe: Piper?
Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?
Piper: No, it was watermelon!
Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
Ra: Oh my god, my power. Piper has my power. I'm free! (accidentally explodes something from excitement) Spoke too soon.
Piper: I don't know what is up with me. Every time I try to freeze, I flame!
Ra: Well being a good witch myself I'm glad I can't freeze, but until we know for sure good witches can't flame maybe you should be careful where you aim your hands.
Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...
Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.
Ra: It's why I already started on my Will. Phoebe gets my Harry Potter books, Prue gets a Rubik's Cube and since Piper likes to keep her hands busy she has been bestowed my Game Boy.
Piper: You might want to give it to someone who isn't likely to blow it up.
Ra: Trust me, if I haven't blown it up by now you won't either.
Prue: Wait, all I get is a Rubik's Cube?
Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.
Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.
Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.
Ra: You ain't broken, we finally have something in common now. Together we are the Boom-Booms.
Piper: The Boom-Booms?
Ra: It's a working title.
(Prue pops the attic door open, and she, Piper, Phoebe and Ra rush in. While Prue and Piper run to Leo, Phoebe and Ra stares at Belthazor.)
Belthazor: Phoebe...
Piper: (bending over Leo) What did you do to him?! (Belthazor changes back into Cole)
Phoebe: I saw what you did.
Cole: It's not what it looks like, it wasn't–
Phoebe: Janna is dead and Leo is unconscious. What else could it be?
Cole: Raynor forced me. I had no choice.
Phoebe: There's always a choice, Cole!
Cole: (looks at the potion) The potion. (reaches for it, but Phoebe grabs it) Before it's too late.
Phoebe: It's already too late. You killed an innocent woman, there is no turning back from that.
Cole: I didn't want to kill her, you've gotta understand that. I can still be good.
Phoebe: There's nothing good in you anymore.
Prue: Maybe there never was. You have to read the spell to activate the amulets, right? I mean, Cole, maybe that was your plan all along, to get the Book.
Piper: But evil can't use the amulets or the Book.
Phoebe: He could have if he'd stripped his powers. (her voice raising) Is that why you wanted the potion, Cole? So you could get the spell and use the amulets against us?!
Cole: Phoebe, you've gotta believe me.
Ra: I think she's believed you one too many times.
Cole: Stay outta this! This is between her and me.
Phoebe: There's nothing between us anymore.
Cole: Phoebe, don't let Raynor take this away from us. Don't let him win.
Phoebe: Raynor didn't set me up. You set me up. What am I supposed to do?
Cole: (reaches for the potion) Please, save me.
Phoebe: Save yourself. (She smashes the potion to the ground. Cole sullenly stares at the sisters, and shimmers out.)
Look Who's Barking
Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.
Ra: You still have me. Ready to watch all the black and white chick flicks you want.
Phoebe: Eh, I'm not feeling very lovey dovey right now.
Prue: I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.
Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.
Ra: We should go on a roller coaster ride.
Phoebe: I like that idea. I am in.
Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.
Piper: Yes I can.
Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.
Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters and a brother who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.
Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?
Ra: Girls, allow me. From one Boom-Boom witch to another.
Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.
Ra: What else did you expect?
Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls) Easy!
Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.
Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.
(Prue growls)
Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?
Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vanquish a banshee.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.
Leo: Yeah!!
Ra: I'm gonna go get a bone, for distracting purposes and not at all to play fetch with.
Leo: Piper, are you okay?
Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog, and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vicinity of "okay." How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshees thing a little bit earlier.
Leo: Honey, just try and relax.
Piper: Would you stop telling me to relax! [blows up sewing machine] That was Grams's sewing machine...!
Leo: Well, we don't have time for you to lose it.
Piper: Well, too bad, because I am losing it whether we have time for it or not.
Leo: Listen to me, we have to save Phoebe before she hurts anyone. If she kills just one person, she will stay a banshee forever.
Ra: Okay, could you give us all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?
Leo: We have to find Phoebe.
Piper: How, without Prue to track her?
Leo: We'll find a way. You can do this, Piper.
Piper: No, actually, I can't. See, 'cause Prue and Phoebe are the superwitches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.
Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.
Cole: A Banshee? Huh...that's different.
Ra: Yeah, and it's kind of your fault.
Prue: What are you doing?
Piper: I think you've got fleas.
Prue: You know what, that is so not funny, cause I think I do.
Piper: I think you do.
Prue: Okay, you have no idea how hard it was being a dog, okay, I mean, peeing outside, eating everything and anything, and just smelling everything...
Ra: Must have been ruff! No pun intended.
Prue: Aha... aha... Well, at least I got to meet a really cute guy.
Piper: You met a guy?
Prue: Mmhmm...
Ra: As a dog?!
Prue: Mmhmm...
Piper: How?!
Prue: Well, he ran me over.
Ra: Like they say, if they don't bury you at the side of the road it's love at first sight.
All Hell Breaks Loose
Prue: You're banking an awful lot on that little potion of yours.
Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.
Ra: Again with the demon.
Phoebe: Half-demon.
Ra: Sure, if you want to be technical. Half-demon.
Darryl: Have you seen the TV yet today? It's all over it.
Prue: What's all over it, Darryl?
Darryl: Just turn on the TV, okay?
(Cut back to the manor.)
Darryl: I told the captain I would handle it.
(Prue and Piper look at the TV in the kitchen. It's showing the footage of Prue and Piper vanquishing Shax.)
Piper: Oh my god!
Darryl: (on phone) Prue? Prue?
(The footage changes to Elana and her cameraman in a car.)
Elana: (on TV) Here we are approaching the home of where they allegedly live.
Prue: Oh!
(Prue drops the phone and covers her mouth in shock.)
Ra: That's our house. They're right outside our house!
(Elana is now standing in front of the manor.)
Elana: (on TV) Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell. And you're gonna meet them live right here on KCSF.
Piper: What are we gonna do?
Ra: Move. To Quebec. I'll learn French.
Ra: You know, maybe when Phoebe's done saving Cole, she can come back and save us.
Prue: Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.
Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.
Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know.
Ra: How do we fix it?
Leo: You have to try and contact Tempus.
Prue: Uh, Tempus? T-Tempus, the demon?
Ra: Who's Tempus?
Piper: A dangerous demon sorcerer who tried to murder us!
Leo: It's a long shot but he's the only one on the other side who has the power to manipulate time. To reset everything before this all started.
Prue: Okay, you're, you're definitely right, that-that qualifies as a long shot.
Piper: I don't know why we're bothering to do this.
Prue: In case time doesn't reset itself.
(Prue puts a chair against the door.)
Ra: If time doesn't reset itself, this table against that door is not gonna help much.
Prue: Yeah, well, then we better start thinking about what would, okay? Because if Leo doesn't succeed, we're gonna have to figure out what we're gonna do.
(They walk into the living room.)
Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, (Prue picks up the Book of Shadows) and then taken by the CIA and dissected.
Prue: Yeah, how can you be joking about this, Piper?
Piper: Who's joking?
