Post by Ayen on Feb 10, 2012 6:13:11 GMT -6
Roundtable of the Minorities
Gay Male: *sits down at the roundtable shaking his head* No way, man. We got it the worst of anyone. Here we are in the 21st Century and we STILL can't get married in the United States, only some parts of it. It's bullshit, man.
Woman: Heh, you think that's bad? At least you can vote. We couldn't vote until the 1920s! No, men were pretty content with having us slave away for them in the kitchen!
African American: Slaving away... wouldn't know anything about that. Oh wait, yes I would!
Native America: White man come, promise peace, had a feast, but then white man show true colors. White man kill our people, take our land, our women!
Jew: Egyptians, Romans, Nazis. Need I say more?
White Christian Male: That's nothing, guys. I'm constantly being persecuted for my beliefs, in America. Everyday atheists are belittling me and attacking me by taking down the Ten Commandments and Prayers in schools. It's terrible!
Gay Male: …
Woman: …
African American: …
Native American: …
Jew: …
White Christian Male: What?
Billboards
Paul: *spills money into billboard*
Peter: *is walking by but stops to look over at Paul* What are you doing?
Paul: Wasting valuable time and money to make a billboard in support of a stance which won't change most of the opposition minds anyway and therefore is pointless.
Peter: Why?
Paul: Because I got nothing better to do than to piss in their cereal.
Peter: Have fun. *walks away*
Paul puts up a billboard that says, “God is an imaginary friend. Choose reality, it will be better for all of us.”
Christian: *walks right past the billboard without even noticing it*
Paul: Money well spent.
OSW
After a busy day at work a banker leaves Wallstreet to find... a DOZEN of American citizens sleeping in tents on the roads outside.
Banker: I'm never going to get my car out of here, am I?
Hypocrisy
Congress: Mr. President, even though we have done nothing but sit on our asses arguing like school children and our approval rating is lower than yours, we're demanding that you do something about this oil pipeline immediately!
President Obama: I'll get right on that... *hangs up* Note to self: run against Congress...
iPass
Airport Security: Passport, please.
Canadian: Oh. I misplaced my passport...
Airport Security: I can't let you through without a passport, sir.
Canadian: Well how about this? *shows iPad* I have an image of my passport scanned here in case I ever forgot it and my driver's license to confirm.
Airport Security: Hmm... *looks it over, spend hours having other people look it over before coming back to the man* You're free to go.
Canadian: Thank you kindly.
*The day after*
Internet User: OMG! They let him through with just an iPad? That's a HUGE security risk! Someone should be sacked! It could have been photoshopped! TERRORIST!
Immigration
One morning a couple of people were working on a fence for the US-Mexican border when one patrol officer saw an illegal immigration whose reached the border.
US Patrolman: Hey! Hey! Yeah, I'm talking to you. You better not cross that.
Illegal Immigrant: o.o
US Patrolman: You better not, man. I have a nightstick. I'll use it if you cross that. Do you see the fence? We don't want your kind around here, go back to Mexico!
Illegal Immigrant: *starts to cross the border*
US Patrolman: Uh! Uh! I have mace!
Illegal Immigrant: *passes the US border*
US Patrolman: Uh! Uh! Ooh! You crossed the border, that makes me so mad, man! But since you're here already would you like to make a couple of bucks?
Debt
One morning Miss America was taking a stroll down the sidewalk.
Miss America: America! America! How awesome are we? We're number one in all the world with the strongest army!
Suddenly Americans all over the world started to follow Miss America, but they weren't singing.
Miss America: With justice and liberty you won't find anywhere else---!
Miss America stopped singing as she heard all the footsteps following behind her and turned around to look at the citizens standing behind her.
Miss America: Hi!
American People: …
Miss America: Beautiful day, isn't it?
American People: …
Miss America: So... is there a reason you're all following me?
American People: You owe us.
Miss America: What?
American People: You owe us money.
Miss America: Huh?
American People: 14,342,909,569,328.74 dollars, to be exact.
Miss America: *begins to sweat nervously* I do not recall... I only owe money to China.
American People: You wish, bitch.
Miss America: HEY!
American People: Give us our money!
Miss America: I-I'll do that. I just need a little mor---
American People: Get her!
Miss America: AHH!
The American People, being pissed off beyond all measure, chased Miss America down the streets wanting to claim the money that she owed them for the longest time now. Miss America, running for dear life, suddenly stopped at a poster of President Barack Obama.
Miss America: Mr. President, save me! You promised me change!
American People: There she is! Get her!
Miss America ran into a Social Security Administration Office and hid. The American People ran straight by missing her as she sighed a sigh of relief.
Miss America: Whew! I lost them.
Social Security Worker: Hello, Miss America. I assume you are here to pay us back the 2.67 trillion dollars you owe us?
Miss America immediately ran out of the office.
Social Security Worker: Or not. That's okay too...
Miss America ran into the Federal Reserve building in town in an attempt to hide from all the people she owed money to.
Miss America: Please! You guys gotta help me!
Fed: We'd be glad to help, as soon as you pay us our 1.63 trillion dollars.
Miss America: Gotta go!
Miss America ran out and went into an alleyway to hide.
Miss America: This is ridiculous! *turns her head* Oh, god!
China: *wielding lead pipe* You got my money?
Miss America: Please, give me more time!
Miss America runs out of the alleyway while dodging swings from China
China: Getting real tired of you ducking me, man. Really tired!
Just when things were starting to look bad for America, Japan jumped onto the scene and beat up China with some fancy martial arts moves and help America to her feet.
Miss America: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Japan: That will be 912.4 billion.
Miss America: What?
Japan: That's the money you owe us. Give us 912.4 billion, we leave you alone.
Miss America: *flirts* You know, I always thought you were kinda cute...
Japan: You dub our Anime horribly, invisible guns, kissing cousins, Godzilla! You go to hell!
Miss America start to walk backwards until she bumped into Mr. UK.
Mr. UK: Oh, hey. About that 346.5 billion you owe me...
Miss America: EEK!
Miss America then bumped into Oil Exporters.
Oil Exporters: Come on, cough up the dough!
Miss America then finds herself surrounded by everyone she owes money to
Everyone: Where's our money? Give us our money! Where's our money? Give us our money!
Miss America: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Miss America then woke up in bed with her hands clenched tightly to the covers.
Miss America: Oh... oh thank goodness! It was all just a dream. I don't really owe all those people money.
George W. Bush: *sits up next to Miss America in bed* Yeah... about that...
Miss America: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gay Male: *sits down at the roundtable shaking his head* No way, man. We got it the worst of anyone. Here we are in the 21st Century and we STILL can't get married in the United States, only some parts of it. It's bullshit, man.
Woman: Heh, you think that's bad? At least you can vote. We couldn't vote until the 1920s! No, men were pretty content with having us slave away for them in the kitchen!
African American: Slaving away... wouldn't know anything about that. Oh wait, yes I would!
Native America: White man come, promise peace, had a feast, but then white man show true colors. White man kill our people, take our land, our women!
Jew: Egyptians, Romans, Nazis. Need I say more?
White Christian Male: That's nothing, guys. I'm constantly being persecuted for my beliefs, in America. Everyday atheists are belittling me and attacking me by taking down the Ten Commandments and Prayers in schools. It's terrible!
Gay Male: …
Woman: …
African American: …
Native American: …
Jew: …
White Christian Male: What?
The Randomness Hour
Billboards
Paul: *spills money into billboard*
Peter: *is walking by but stops to look over at Paul* What are you doing?
Paul: Wasting valuable time and money to make a billboard in support of a stance which won't change most of the opposition minds anyway and therefore is pointless.
Peter: Why?
Paul: Because I got nothing better to do than to piss in their cereal.
Peter: Have fun. *walks away*
Paul puts up a billboard that says, “God is an imaginary friend. Choose reality, it will be better for all of us.”
Christian: *walks right past the billboard without even noticing it*
Paul: Money well spent.
OSW
After a busy day at work a banker leaves Wallstreet to find... a DOZEN of American citizens sleeping in tents on the roads outside.
Banker: I'm never going to get my car out of here, am I?
Hypocrisy
Congress: Mr. President, even though we have done nothing but sit on our asses arguing like school children and our approval rating is lower than yours, we're demanding that you do something about this oil pipeline immediately!
President Obama: I'll get right on that... *hangs up* Note to self: run against Congress...
iPass
Airport Security: Passport, please.
Canadian: Oh. I misplaced my passport...
Airport Security: I can't let you through without a passport, sir.
Canadian: Well how about this? *shows iPad* I have an image of my passport scanned here in case I ever forgot it and my driver's license to confirm.
Airport Security: Hmm... *looks it over, spend hours having other people look it over before coming back to the man* You're free to go.
Canadian: Thank you kindly.
*The day after*
Internet User: OMG! They let him through with just an iPad? That's a HUGE security risk! Someone should be sacked! It could have been photoshopped! TERRORIST!
Immigration
One morning a couple of people were working on a fence for the US-Mexican border when one patrol officer saw an illegal immigration whose reached the border.
US Patrolman: Hey! Hey! Yeah, I'm talking to you. You better not cross that.
Illegal Immigrant: o.o
US Patrolman: You better not, man. I have a nightstick. I'll use it if you cross that. Do you see the fence? We don't want your kind around here, go back to Mexico!
Illegal Immigrant: *starts to cross the border*
US Patrolman: Uh! Uh! I have mace!
Illegal Immigrant: *passes the US border*
US Patrolman: Uh! Uh! Ooh! You crossed the border, that makes me so mad, man! But since you're here already would you like to make a couple of bucks?
Debt
One morning Miss America was taking a stroll down the sidewalk.
Miss America: America! America! How awesome are we? We're number one in all the world with the strongest army!
Suddenly Americans all over the world started to follow Miss America, but they weren't singing.
Miss America: With justice and liberty you won't find anywhere else---!
Miss America stopped singing as she heard all the footsteps following behind her and turned around to look at the citizens standing behind her.
Miss America: Hi!
American People: …
Miss America: Beautiful day, isn't it?
American People: …
Miss America: So... is there a reason you're all following me?
American People: You owe us.
Miss America: What?
American People: You owe us money.
Miss America: Huh?
American People: 14,342,909,569,328.74 dollars, to be exact.
Miss America: *begins to sweat nervously* I do not recall... I only owe money to China.
American People: You wish, bitch.
Miss America: HEY!
American People: Give us our money!
Miss America: I-I'll do that. I just need a little mor---
American People: Get her!
Miss America: AHH!
The American People, being pissed off beyond all measure, chased Miss America down the streets wanting to claim the money that she owed them for the longest time now. Miss America, running for dear life, suddenly stopped at a poster of President Barack Obama.
Miss America: Mr. President, save me! You promised me change!
American People: There she is! Get her!
Miss America ran into a Social Security Administration Office and hid. The American People ran straight by missing her as she sighed a sigh of relief.
Miss America: Whew! I lost them.
Social Security Worker: Hello, Miss America. I assume you are here to pay us back the 2.67 trillion dollars you owe us?
Miss America immediately ran out of the office.
Social Security Worker: Or not. That's okay too...
Miss America ran into the Federal Reserve building in town in an attempt to hide from all the people she owed money to.
Miss America: Please! You guys gotta help me!
Fed: We'd be glad to help, as soon as you pay us our 1.63 trillion dollars.
Miss America: Gotta go!
Miss America ran out and went into an alleyway to hide.
Miss America: This is ridiculous! *turns her head* Oh, god!
China: *wielding lead pipe* You got my money?
Miss America: Please, give me more time!
Miss America runs out of the alleyway while dodging swings from China
China: Getting real tired of you ducking me, man. Really tired!
Just when things were starting to look bad for America, Japan jumped onto the scene and beat up China with some fancy martial arts moves and help America to her feet.
Miss America: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Japan: That will be 912.4 billion.
Miss America: What?
Japan: That's the money you owe us. Give us 912.4 billion, we leave you alone.
Miss America: *flirts* You know, I always thought you were kinda cute...
Japan: You dub our Anime horribly, invisible guns, kissing cousins, Godzilla! You go to hell!
Miss America start to walk backwards until she bumped into Mr. UK.
Mr. UK: Oh, hey. About that 346.5 billion you owe me...
Miss America: EEK!
Miss America then bumped into Oil Exporters.
Oil Exporters: Come on, cough up the dough!
Miss America then finds herself surrounded by everyone she owes money to
Everyone: Where's our money? Give us our money! Where's our money? Give us our money!
Miss America: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Miss America then woke up in bed with her hands clenched tightly to the covers.
Miss America: Oh... oh thank goodness! It was all just a dream. I don't really owe all those people money.
George W. Bush: *sits up next to Miss America in bed* Yeah... about that...
Miss America: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The End