Susan Alchemy (Done)

[mangledmermaid]

Name: Susan Alchemy

Aliases: The Chemist, Black Susan

Age: 13

Gender: Female

Species: Alien

Alignment: Nuetral

Canon or Original: Original

Date of Birth: 5-15-1998

Place of Birth: Isafaro

Physical Appearance: Red hair in a pixie cut, pale skin, green eyes, semi-thin, around 5"5, has dark circles under her eyes from aniemia, spock-like ears.

Personality: Rebelious. She hates anything that gets in her way, will claw your eyes out if you tick her off, will be polite if a soilder or other figure of athority is near, Is very....Spontanious, and slightly pychotic.

Special Abilities: Very agile, nice shot with pistol.

Weapons: Poison blow darts, pistol.

History: Susan was born and raised in the gut of Isafaro. Her family were black market dealers. Susan, at the age of 13, smokes, drinks, gambles, ect. Not your average child.

Known as The Chemist, Or Black Susan, she is, how you say, an Assassin. Give her the right amount of cash, she does the work. End of story, no questions asked, Although her methods are questionable..

*OHMYGOD! I am sooooo sorry! i wrote this at like, midnight a few nights ago. I didnt even bother to check it over, sorry!!!!!!!! I didnt mean to waste your time!

[Alex]

If this is a Work in Progress please put (WIP) at the end of the thread title.

Otherwise we need a lot more information than you're giving us. Minimal requirement for physical appearance and personality is one well written paragraph and history is two. If you need examples I recommend checking out the character sheets in the Approved Characters section of the site.

I also recommend reading the DOA Background Information available on the site to read up on Isafaro and more in case you haven't already.

[Alex]

Physical Appearance & Personality: These still don't meet the minimum requirement. A single paragraph is 4 - 6 sentences long. Right now appearance is just a list of physical traits that is one sentence long and personality just barely reaches two. Please provide a more in-depth description for these fields.

History: Ok she was born and raised in Isafaro by black market dealers. You could explain further by touching on how exactly she turned to smoking, drinking and gambling. Also keep in mind that all of these things are illegal in Isafaro, a military dictatorship that rules with an iron fist, so these things aren't easy for citizens to get a hold of. Did the parents smuggle them in?

You skip right into her becoming an assassin. How did she go from a teenager who smoked and drink to a deadly killing machine? You say she's an alien with some special abilities but you don't touch on that very much in the history itself and how are her methods questionable?

History doesn't reach the two paragraph minimum either.

Once you made your changes I'll give the sheet another look.

[Alex]

Due to the inactivity of the above member this application has been archived.