Post by Ayen on Aug 26, 2011 13:39:07 GMT -6
Inside the Devil May Cry restaurant (no you are not seeing things), the place was packed with customers waiting for their order with the waitresses doing the best they can to serve everyone as quickly as possible. Among them was Zira Firestone who didn’t look too happy weighing tables as she held two plates of different orders in her hands.
Utena Tenjou: Excuse me but we ordered a half an hour ago!
Kara Kent: Where’s my sandwich?
Sasha Evens: This spoon is not shiny enough!
Zira Firestone: Please be patient we’re very busy right now *whispers the rest* I did not go to college for this!
Meanwhile Chloe was weighing one of the other customers nearby.
Miracle: Yes I would like the shellfish.
Solomon: Miracle, you know we can’t have shellfish.
Miracle: Well if you wouldn’t discriminate against the homosexual community I could have shellfish!
Solomon: *sighs* I’ll just have water, thank you.
Miracle: Oh that sounds good! I’ll have some too – say, would you guys charge extra if I turned that water into wine?
Chloe: Uhh….
Solomon: You’re too young to drink.
Miracle: You won’t let me do anything!
Sazan: Welcome to Devil May Cry, how may I serve you?
Drake White: Mmm! By getting up on the table and spreading yourself out for papa!
Sazan grabbed Drake and slammed his face down onto the table.
Sazan: And you, ma’am?
Ayanna Kaktas: I’ll have the “skin me alive” strawberry steak.
Up at the bar Sparda was fixing drinks alongside Michael, brandishing a purple tuxedo.
Sparda: One “Drag me to hell” Bloody Mary coming right up!
Sparda slides the drink across the bar but Michael misses it and it shatters on the floor.
Sparda: Dammit, Michael!
Michael: I am trying!
In the back of the restaurant/bar/nightclub was none other than the owner Dante, sitting behind his desk with his feet on top of it as always when Amoura came in to talk business.
Amoura Ethelia: I have a complaint about the uniforms.
Dante: What’s the problem?
Amoura Ethelia: *holds up the skirt* They’re ridiculously short!
Dante: I don’t see the problem.
Amoura Ethelia: You could see my panties in them as I walk!
Dante: Still don’t see the problem.
Amoura Ethelia: You’re a pig!
Dante: Go back to work, I don’t pay you to bitch.
Amoura Ethelia: *storms out angrily, stops at the doorway to look back at Dante* I want some pants! *then continues to storms out while Dante waves her off dismissively*
Back at the front Argus was looking things over as Chloe past by.
Argus: Hey, Chloe!
Chloe: Oh! Hi, Argus. *purposely drops her pen but makes it look like an accident* Oops! Dropped my pen! *bends over sticking her behind right in Argus’ face*
Argus: Yeah. This isn’t subtle at all. But---!
Amoura Ethelia: Ew! Put it away! Put it away!
Chloe straightens herself out and then casually walks away whistling.
Argus: How did the talk go?
Amoura Ethelia: How you think it went!?
Argus: We need you at table eleven.
Amoura mumbled something underneath her breath as she headed over to table eleven.
Amoura Ethelia: Welcome to Devil May Cry, how may I--- *Amoura cut herself off when she realized that it was Tajna and Validus waiting at the table* Fuck my life!
Validus Recubo: We’ll get to that.
Tajna Rasha: I have tried this meatloaf well over a thousand times and it has always been less than satisfactory.
Amoura Ethelia: *while writing down* Less than satisfactory meatloaf, and you?
Validus Recubo: I’ll have the special deluxe doom cobbler.
Amoura Ethelia: Yeah, yeah, special deluxe doom whatever. *walks off*
Validus Recubo: I’m going to have to complain about the service.
Tajna Rasha: Already did.
Jaden Yuki: All right! It’s time to get your game on---! The kid’s menu!? What the hell!?
???: Hey! Quiet down over there, will ya?
Jaden turned his head to see Zora C. Manson and The Genius across from his table also reading from the kid’s menu.
Zora C. Manson: We’re trying to order here.
The Genius: Complaining about the kid’s menu just degrades us all.
Jaden Yuki: .-.
Imai Katayo: *holds up glass* To freedom, boys.
Kragan/Garrus: Freedom!
The three drink and then instantly spit it out.
Imai Katayo: What the hell is this shit!?
Sparda: It’s called “FML Cocktail” what did you expect it to taste like?
Garrus Vakarian: We can’t fault them on false advertising, Commander.
Imai Katayo: I guess it’s a good thing that “drag me to hell” drink was shattered….
Drake White: Come on, Ayanna! Talk to me!
Ayanna Kaktas: *was skinned alive*
Validus Recubo: This “doom” cobbler feels undercooked.
Tajna Rasha: Did I tell you about the meatloaf?
Validus Recubo: Well over a thousand times.
Zira Firestone: For the last time, ma’am; your name is not on the VIP guest list.
Aminee Starlight: How can it not be on there? I’m Aminee Starlight! The biggest Pop Star of our time! My last album sold over 40,000,000 copies worldwide!
201: There, there *pats Aminee’s shoulder*
Aminee Starlight: I don’t like to be touched!
201: Oh right. The rape….
Aminee Starlight: Are you sure you’re spelling it right?
Zira Firestone: Ma’am….
Aminee Starlight: *sighs* Table for two?
Zira Firestone: Right this way.
Suddenly “The Dark Slayer” Vergil bursts in from the entrance of Devil May Cry with his blade at the ready.
Vergil: DANTE!
Zira Firestone: *while walking away* Chloe, will you get that?
Chloe: Hello! How many?
Vergil looked around himself, noting how there were nobody else nearby before looking back at Chloe.
Vergil: One.
Chloe: If you would kindly follow me.
Chloe led Vergil to one of the solo tables and handed him a menu.
Chloe: What would you like to drink?
Vergil: Uhh…. water will be fine.
Chloe: I’ll be right back!
As Chloe left The Dark Slayer began to ponder over what Dante has done with the place while looking through the menu.
Vergil: Today’s special: Sparda Pot Pie. Sparda Pot Pie? Sparda Pot Pie!? SPARDA POT PIE?!
Sparda: Yeah I had the same reaction.
Vergil: You’re alive!?
Sparda: It’s a long story.
Ayen: And after looking at all of those failed relationships really make me glad I decided to wait. Besides I should probably get myself a bachelor pad before I start out on the dating scene.
Alexis Malaware: You might want to start shaving regularly before that.
Ayen: What you don’t like the beard?
Alexis Malaware: If you can call that fuzz on your chin a beard.
Sazan: Welcome to Devil May Cry, how may I serve you?
Ayen: I’ll have a double cheese burger, a large order of fries for the side dish and a Coke.
Alexis Malaware: Roast Beef, Dr. Pepper.
Ayen: And hey just between us, this beard, you’re digging it right?
Sazan: Yes it looks very good on you *replies uninterested while walking away*
Ayen: See? Ladies love the beard.
Alexis Malaware: ….
Meanwhile at an undisclosed location:
Doctor Cube
So the amazing DEVIL MAY CRY has been reduced to a second-rate restaurant?
DOA Clash
Do they have fish?
Endgame Clash
You need to cut down on the fish, Fatty!
DOA Clash
Who you calling fat? You have enough flab on you to feed an entire village!”
Doctor Cube
SILENCE YOU MISERABLE INGRATES! Can’t you see I’m trying to hatch one of my diabolical schemes!?
Goldar
I’ll send down an army of putty patrollers to distract them, my lord!
“Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner
I’m hongry! I’ll come along!
Doctor Cube
Ahahahaha!
To Be Continued!
Ayanna Kaktas: *insects start to swarm the skinned Ayanna*
Drake White: Check, please.
FIN!
