Post by Ayen on Apr 18, 2012 14:13:02 GMT -6
Dead on Arrival presents
A ToriJ parody
Aper and Veran were hanging out in heaven.
Veran turned on the TV to see a blonde coming onto a redhead.
Changed the channel to see a brunette and a pink-headed chick talking in the dark.
Changed the channel to some girl getting raped.
Changed the channel to see Amoura looking into a mirror, directed towards them, trying to get the purple out of her hair.
Amoura suddenly stopped working on her hair and looked deeply into the mirror.
Veran stared back at Amoura.
Veran bled through the mirror and was now in Amoura's sight.
A few moments later
Sparda went outside to join some chick who looked like Maricul to admire the sunrise.
A few moments ago
Sazan was humping some girl in a dark alley.
Now
Hours later
Sparda gave Miracle the finger.
Miracle gave Sparda the plague.
Miracle changed Sparda back and then stomp, stomp, SLAM!
Flashback!
Sazan is holding onto a dead man with blood dripping from her lips and two holes found in the man's neck.
Sazan dropped the body onto the floor and then stomp, stomp, SLAM!
Now
Amoura get shot in the head by three bullets from a triple barreled handgun.
Maya activated the Witch Within.
Without further ado Maya attacked Amoura, Sparda and Sazan and they had an epic fight, then Maya started seriously kicking their asses because that seems to be the route most of these fights take...
Maya leaned in nice and close to her ear and whispered.
Amoura snapped! She got up to her feet and started punching, kicking, scratching, clawing and many other sexy female fight moves as she screamed at the top of her lungs and became red in the face.
Maya turned into Alucard and beat up Amoura.
A sword suddenly came up from the ground and impaled Maya 'Vlad the Impaler' style.
Then a pillar of light came down on her head and killed her.
Meanwhile in Utopia
Zira awoke on the ground and got up to all fours with a splitting headache.
Zira heard the door open up behind her and turned her head to see Maricul now standing over her from behind.
A ToriJ parody
Aper
Got any threes?
Veran
Go fish.
Aper
GODDAMMIT!
God
Aper, don't use my name in vain.
Aper
Sorry.
Got any threes?
Veran
Go fish.
Aper
GODDAMMIT!
God
Aper, don't use my name in vain.
Aper
Sorry.
Aper and Veran were hanging out in heaven.
Aper
Does that TV over there get any good channels?
Veran
Oh yeah. We have Showtime.
Does that TV over there get any good channels?
Veran
Oh yeah. We have Showtime.
Veran turned on the TV to see a blonde coming onto a redhead.
Superwoman
Tori, I want you. Inside me!
Tori
Wh-what?
Veran
The CW.
Tori, I want you. Inside me!
Tori
Wh-what?
Veran
The CW.
Changed the channel to see a brunette and a pink-headed chick talking in the dark.
Utena
We can't be together.
June
Why not?
Utena
Because... I'm a monster!
June
A sexy immortal monster that'll be young forever?
Utena
What? No I kill people by slitting their throats.
June
Oh.
Veran
MTV.
We can't be together.
June
Why not?
Utena
Because... I'm a monster!
June
A sexy immortal monster that'll be young forever?
Utena
What? No I kill people by slitting their throats.
June
Oh.
Veran
MTV.
Changed the channel to some girl getting raped.
Aminee Starlight
Oh dear God, please help me!
God
Don't forget to pay a hundred shekels of silver to her father.
Aper
MTV has really gone downhill lately.
Veran
What do you mean lately?
Oh dear God, please help me!
God
Don't forget to pay a hundred shekels of silver to her father.
Aper
MTV has really gone downhill lately.
Veran
What do you mean lately?
Changed the channel to see Amoura looking into a mirror, directed towards them, trying to get the purple out of her hair.
Aper
Amoura has her own network?
Veran
No. I just installed secret security cameras in her home.
Aper
You are one freaky bastard.
Veran
You don't know the half of it.
Amoura has her own network?
Veran
No. I just installed secret security cameras in her home.
Aper
You are one freaky bastard.
Veran
You don't know the half of it.
Amoura suddenly stopped working on her hair and looked deeply into the mirror.
Aper
What is she doing–?
Veran
Shh!
What is she doing–?
Veran
Shh!
Veran stared back at Amoura.
Veran
Do it. Do it. Do it.
Amoura
Veran. Veran. Veran.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
Amoura
Veran. Veran. Veran.
Veran bled through the mirror and was now in Amoura's sight.
Veran
Hiiiiii!
Amoura
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hiiiiii!
Amoura
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A few moments later
Amoura
Sparda, good news! I got the purple out of my hair. Bad news, it's now ghost white!
Sparda
You said Veran's name three times in the mirror again, didn't you?
Amoura
N-no...
Sparda
LIAR!
DOA ABRIDGED!
Episode Four
Bitch, please!
Sparda, good news! I got the purple out of my hair. Bad news, it's now ghost white!
Sparda
You said Veran's name three times in the mirror again, didn't you?
Amoura
N-no...
Sparda
LIAR!
DOA ABRIDGED!
Episode Four
Bitch, please!
Sparda went outside to join some chick who looked like Maricul to admire the sunrise.
Sparda
What a beautiful day. So who are you again?
Sazan
I'm Maricul human, vampire hybrid daughter who looks exactly like her in every way. I even cut my hair short recently to increase the likeness.
Sparda
Why would you do that?
Sazan
I'm also engaged to marry Amoura's half brother Michael. The wedding is going to be awesome! Miracle is performing it and our reception is going to blow your freaking mind!
Sparda
Quit foreshadowing, bitch.
Sazan
Sorry.
Michael
Hey, Sazan. I haven't seen you all day. Where have you been?
Sazan
Uh...
What a beautiful day. So who are you again?
Sazan
I'm Maricul human, vampire hybrid daughter who looks exactly like her in every way. I even cut my hair short recently to increase the likeness.
Sparda
Why would you do that?
Sazan
I'm also engaged to marry Amoura's half brother Michael. The wedding is going to be awesome! Miracle is performing it and our reception is going to blow your freaking mind!
Sparda
Quit foreshadowing, bitch.
Sazan
Sorry.
Michael
Hey, Sazan. I haven't seen you all day. Where have you been?
Sazan
Uh...
A few moments ago
Sazan was humping some girl in a dark alley.
Sazan
Yes! Yes! Yes! I haven't felt this good in ages!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I haven't felt this good in ages!
Now
Sazan
Eating a taco.
Michael
Oh. Okay, see ya!
Sazan
Whew! That was too close.
Sparda
What was all of that about?
Sazan
Oh, nothing. Look, Miracle's home!
Miracle
You guys! I had the most fucked up week, seriously!
Amoura
Whatever it was I'm sure I can top it.
Sazan
Hey, what's that dark cloud forming over the Crystal Expanse?
Sparda
I'll check it out. After all I'm a superhero.
Miracle
You're just going to get your ass handed to you again.
Sparda
No I am not!
Eating a taco.
Michael
Oh. Okay, see ya!
Sazan
Whew! That was too close.
Sparda
What was all of that about?
Sazan
Oh, nothing. Look, Miracle's home!
Miracle
You guys! I had the most fucked up week, seriously!
Amoura
Whatever it was I'm sure I can top it.
Sazan
Hey, what's that dark cloud forming over the Crystal Expanse?
Sparda
I'll check it out. After all I'm a superhero.
Miracle
You're just going to get your ass handed to you again.
Sparda
No I am not!
Hours later
Sparda
I got my ass handed to me again.
Miracle
Called it.
Sparda
Hey, Miracle. Right here, man.
I got my ass handed to me again.
Miracle
Called it.
Sparda
Hey, Miracle. Right here, man.
Sparda gave Miracle the finger.
Miracle
A pox on you.
A pox on you.
Miracle gave Sparda the plague.
Sparda
You asshole!
Amoura
Miracle, stop giving Sparda the plague.
Miracle
No.
Amoura
Miracle, reverse it!
Miracle
I don't wanna!
Amoura
Miracle, you change him back this instant, do you understand me!?
Miracle
You never let me do anything! I hate you!
You asshole!
Amoura
Miracle, stop giving Sparda the plague.
Miracle
No.
Amoura
Miracle, reverse it!
Miracle
I don't wanna!
Amoura
Miracle, you change him back this instant, do you understand me!?
Miracle
You never let me do anything! I hate you!
Miracle changed Sparda back and then stomp, stomp, SLAM!
Amoura
Kids today. No respect for their elders.
Sazan
Yeah... Nothing like when we were kids, right Amoura?
Amoura
Ah, yes. I remember it well.
Sazan
Me too.
Kids today. No respect for their elders.
Sazan
Yeah... Nothing like when we were kids, right Amoura?
Amoura
Ah, yes. I remember it well.
Sazan
Me too.
Flashback!
Sazan's Dad
Sazan, have you been eating people again?
Sazan, have you been eating people again?
Sazan is holding onto a dead man with blood dripping from her lips and two holes found in the man's neck.
Sazan
No.
Sazan's Dad
Sazan, I'm not kidding around. Did you kill this guy?
Sazan
No, dad.
Sazan's Dad
Are you sure?
Sazan
Yes!
Sazan's Dad
I know you're lying! Now go to your room. You are grounded, young lady!
Sazan
You never let me do anything! I hate you!
No.
Sazan's Dad
Sazan, I'm not kidding around. Did you kill this guy?
Sazan
No, dad.
Sazan's Dad
Are you sure?
Sazan
Yes!
Sazan's Dad
I know you're lying! Now go to your room. You are grounded, young lady!
Sazan
You never let me do anything! I hate you!
Sazan dropped the body onto the floor and then stomp, stomp, SLAM!
Now
Sazan
Yeah. Those were the good old days.
Amoura
…
Sparda
…
Sazan
What?
Amoura
All right, we should come up with a plan before–
Maya
I'm here to wine and dine on your entrails!
Amoura
The enemy shows up...
Sparda
By the way, I think she has some sort of connection with Ranka.
Amoura
What would give you that idea?
Maya
Get off, the fucking stage!
Sparda
See?
Amoura
I fail to see how that proves anything.
Maya
I don't care what you do, nor the idiotic way in which you're doing it.
Sparda
See, she just did it again.
Amoura
She's just spouting off old Ranka lines, everybody does that.
Yeah. Those were the good old days.
Amoura
…
Sparda
…
Sazan
What?
Amoura
All right, we should come up with a plan before–
Maya
I'm here to wine and dine on your entrails!
Amoura
The enemy shows up...
Sparda
By the way, I think she has some sort of connection with Ranka.
Amoura
What would give you that idea?
Maya
Get off, the fucking stage!
Sparda
See?
Amoura
I fail to see how that proves anything.
Maya
I don't care what you do, nor the idiotic way in which you're doing it.
Sparda
See, she just did it again.
Amoura
She's just spouting off old Ranka lines, everybody does that.
Amoura get shot in the head by three bullets from a triple barreled handgun.
Sparda
She just shot you with a triple barrel gun.
Amoura
You can get those at Target now.
Sparda
For God sakes, she has a claw for a hand!
Amoura
I'm not listening! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!
Maya
Death time!
She just shot you with a triple barrel gun.
Amoura
You can get those at Target now.
Sparda
For God sakes, she has a claw for a hand!
Amoura
I'm not listening! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!
Maya
Death time!
Maya activated the Witch Within.
Amoura
See? She isn't related to Ranka, that's obviously a Maricul thing.
Sparda
I get the feeling you might be in denial, Amoura.
Amoura
And I get the feeling I should have let Miracle keep the plague on you.
See? She isn't related to Ranka, that's obviously a Maricul thing.
Sparda
I get the feeling you might be in denial, Amoura.
Amoura
And I get the feeling I should have let Miracle keep the plague on you.
Without further ado Maya attacked Amoura, Sparda and Sazan and they had an epic fight, then Maya started seriously kicking their asses because that seems to be the route most of these fights take...
Maya
Oh, Auntie Amoura. You've been fun but I'm afraid I must kill you now.
Amoura
Auntie Amoura? Why in the hell are you calling me Auntie? I don't have any relationship to Maricul.
Maya
Oh but in my world you do.
Amoura
Wh-what?
Maya
You see; Ranka, Maricul and I...
Amoura
Are rivals?
Maya
No.
Amoura
Forged a temporary alliance to stop a stronger enemy?
Maya
No.
Amoura
You all like trench coats?
Aper
OH MY GOD! DOES SHE HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU, YOU DUMB BITCH?! – OW!
God
What did I tell you about using my name in vain!?
Maya
I am the illegitimate child of Maricul and Ranka.
Sazan
What–
Sparda
The–
Amoura
Fuck!?
Miracle
Who's Ranka?
Amoura
Miracle, get back in your room!
Miracle
Hate you guys.
Maya
Now that you're about to die there's one other thing I want you to know.
The Backstreet Boys suck.
Amoura
What did you say?
Oh, Auntie Amoura. You've been fun but I'm afraid I must kill you now.
Amoura
Auntie Amoura? Why in the hell are you calling me Auntie? I don't have any relationship to Maricul.
Maya
Oh but in my world you do.
Amoura
Wh-what?
Maya
You see; Ranka, Maricul and I...
Amoura
Are rivals?
Maya
No.
Amoura
Forged a temporary alliance to stop a stronger enemy?
Maya
No.
Amoura
You all like trench coats?
Aper
OH MY GOD! DOES SHE HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU, YOU DUMB BITCH?! – OW!
God
What did I tell you about using my name in vain!?
Maya
I am the illegitimate child of Maricul and Ranka.
Sazan
What–
Sparda
The–
Amoura
Fuck!?
Miracle
Who's Ranka?
Amoura
Miracle, get back in your room!
Miracle
Hate you guys.
Maya
Now that you're about to die there's one other thing I want you to know.
The Backstreet Boys suck.
Amoura
What did you say?
Maya leaned in nice and close to her ear and whispered.
Maya
The Backstreet Boys suck!
The Backstreet Boys suck!
Amoura snapped! She got up to her feet and started punching, kicking, scratching, clawing and many other sexy female fight moves as she screamed at the top of her lungs and became red in the face.
Maya
Whoa! Calm down!
Amoura
Bitch, I kill you!
Maya
I think you might be overreacting a little.
Amoura
You can be Maricul and Ranka's bitch child, try to kill a bunch of innocent people and shoot me in the head but you do never, NEVER insult my BACKSTREET BOYS!
Maya
Alucard powers activate.
Amoura
Wait, what?
Whoa! Calm down!
Amoura
Bitch, I kill you!
Maya
I think you might be overreacting a little.
Amoura
You can be Maricul and Ranka's bitch child, try to kill a bunch of innocent people and shoot me in the head but you do never, NEVER insult my BACKSTREET BOYS!
Maya
Alucard powers activate.
Amoura
Wait, what?
Maya turned into Alucard and beat up Amoura.
Amoura
Everything hurts!
Maya
You fool! Did you really think you could defeat me? I am Maya “The Joy” the most powerful vampire in all of existence and nothing in this world, or any other world, can stop me! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH–!
Everything hurts!
Maya
You fool! Did you really think you could defeat me? I am Maya “The Joy” the most powerful vampire in all of existence and nothing in this world, or any other world, can stop me! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH–!
A sword suddenly came up from the ground and impaled Maya 'Vlad the Impaler' style.
Maya
Except that.
Except that.
Then a pillar of light came down on her head and killed her.
Amoura
Hah, hah! Take that you, you stupid bitch!
Sazan
A pillar of light? Seriously?
Amoura
Now what is wrong with a pillar of light?
Sazan
Nothing it just seems completely random is all.
Sparda
Where did the sword come from?
Amoura
Well it looks like we beat the odds and saved the day again.
Sazan
We sure did.
Sparda
We're just going to ignore the sword thing completely, aren't we?
Amoura
Come on, Sazan. Let take Miracle out to get some ice cream.
Sazan
Now I hear that.
Sparda
I hate it here.
Hah, hah! Take that you, you stupid bitch!
Sazan
A pillar of light? Seriously?
Amoura
Now what is wrong with a pillar of light?
Sazan
Nothing it just seems completely random is all.
Sparda
Where did the sword come from?
Amoura
Well it looks like we beat the odds and saved the day again.
Sazan
We sure did.
Sparda
We're just going to ignore the sword thing completely, aren't we?
Amoura
Come on, Sazan. Let take Miracle out to get some ice cream.
Sazan
Now I hear that.
Sparda
I hate it here.
Meanwhile in Utopia
Zira awoke on the ground and got up to all fours with a splitting headache.
Zira Firestone
Oh man, what a hangover!
Oh man, what a hangover!
Zira heard the door open up behind her and turned her head to see Maricul now standing over her from behind.
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
Jackpot!
Credits
Cast
In order of appearance
Aper
Veran
God
Amoura
Sparda
Sazan
Miracle
Maya
Zira Firestone
Maricul
Cameos
Superwoman
Tori
Utena
June
Aminee Starlight
Writing Staff
ToriJ
Zira Firestone
Alexis Malaware
Ranka
Bitch ninja tapped me!
FIN!
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
…
Zira Firestone
…
Maricul
Jackpot!
Credits
Cast
In order of appearance
Aper
Veran
God
Amoura
Sparda
Sazan
Miracle
Maya
Zira Firestone
Maricul
Cameos
Superwoman
Tori
Utena
June
Aminee Starlight
Writing Staff
ToriJ
Zira Firestone
Alexis Malaware
Ranka
Bitch ninja tapped me!
FIN!
