Post by Ayen on Sept 15, 2011 13:15:26 GMT -6
For the first part of this parody game review click here
Ginny: He’s gonna take you back to the past.
Ginny: To play the shitty games that suck ass.
Ayen: -is shown playing Dragon Ball Crisis Core for the PS2 and throwing the controller down screaming ass-
Ginny: He’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
-shows shots of Ayen playing the RTS Ajerian Wars for the PC and playing as Alice on Dead Sight for the PS2-
Ginny: He’d rather eat the rotten asshole of a road killed skunk and down it with beer.
-now we see Ayen playing as Zira Firestone setting Doctor Cube on fire in WCL Unlimited for the XBOX360 and then him elbow dropping the game from his couch-
Ginny: He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard.
Ayen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ginny: He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd.
Ayen: -takes a hammer to the Nintendo Entertainment System-
Ginny: He’s the Angry Atari Sega Nerd.
Ayen: -punts them into the sky-
Ginny: He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd!
Ayen: -downs half a bottle of bear before setting it down- All right, I held this off long enough. -holds up Devil May Cry Endgame for the XBOX360- Let get this piece of diarrhea out of our asses! -opens up the game console and puts the disc in-
Ayen: Load game.
Ayen: Bros before whores -selects Ranka-
Now at the end of every stage you get a chance to upgrade your characters through the orbs you’ve collected during game play. For Ranka we have “Jungle Fury” (who thought of that?) for his claw where he can swing it at high speeds for massive damage. Level two explosives and on Amoura side upgrades for her Telekinesis and Desert Eagles. Nothing special this early in the game but for the things you run into you’ll want to buy all these upgrades as soon as possible. Now that I have the upgrades bought let get started on the next stage.
I see we’re trying to be more creative with the titles now. Let’s see -gets out an encyclopedia and flips through the pages- Got ish tot, got ish tot. Ah here we go. German for God is Dead. God is Dead?
Oh yes. God will die too.
Okay…. -the scene opens up to a very loud gunshot that threatened to shatter the eardrum and force Ayen to turn down the volume- Shit! -we see flashes of mangled blooded corpses on the screen really pushing that M rating- JESUS! -a figure dressed in red can be seen walking through the corpses and when the camera finally pans up to him what we see is the one, the only-
Ayen:
Ayen:
Ayen: I’m sorry, everyone, I must have somehow put in the wrong game. -Ayen goes up to his XBOX360 and opens it but finds that the game is correct- No it’s Devil May Cry Endgame and everything else has been correct so far. -puts the game back in and replays the scene- Don’t adjust your monitors everyone that really is Alucard. Not an original character using him as a representative like the majority of the other characters, but THE Alucard from the Hellsing Anime. Same goofy red hat, same yellow sunglasses, weapons and the same exact voice actors and yes, you have to fight the bastard. The royalty checks sent out to pave way for this game must have cost a fortune.
So we finally get to the level itself starting off in--- ugh Amoura is still following me around--- starting off in Dominion City. Named after the city in Yu-Gi-Oh but the city itself takes its appearance from the one in Devil May Cry 3 and you’re instantly catapulted by enemies; puppet demons, vampires and ghouls so you really want to take advantage of the explosive upgrades if you purchased them before this stage otherwise you have to cut on through.
After some time spent taking out enemies you find out that an unknown threat (AKA Alucard) is attacking Town Square and you need to get there but first Ranka notes that you need to take a detour to the shop to stock up on supplies so, off to Devil May Cry we go! When you get to the front of the familiar shop with the neon flashing sign you find two brand new characters at the front fighting off enemies. Take those out and you get a cut scene talking to the new characters who introduce themselves as Daikus and Ranko. Wait a minute!
Ranka
Ranko
Ranka
Ranko
Ranka
Ranko
Ranko
Ranka
What the fuck!? I mean are they related to each other in some way? They both wear red, they both have a cold demeanor, say very little and they have virtually THE SAME FUCKING NAME!
Immediately after the cut scene is over with you’re taken to a new screen where you have to choose your party. You have four characters but only three can be on screen at a time. Oh what a load of bullshit, it’s bad enough just having ONE ally constantly getting in my way, now you want me to have two!?
Well it’s not all bad. This time both your allies need to be killed off in order to get a game over so it gives you some time to bring the other back to life. Each character brings their own style into the game and it allows for various strategies against bosses depending on which party group you choose.
For the sake of the review I’m going with this team to show you the two new characters you unlocked during this stage. Daikus is the closest thing this game gets to Dante as a playable character, his weapons are similar to Rebellion and Coyote-A, his styles are the straight-up Swordmaster and Gunslinger and he’s an ass. He has some pretty funny banter with Amoura too when you have them together.
Ranko’s main weapon, simply labeled “Kasul” has the ability to absorb attacks from enemies and does twice the damage as the others because her weapon is supposed to drain the life essence of all those she faces. Plus her style is a good mix of Swordmaster and Darkslayer. Pretty fucking cool.
In the shop you find some ammo (still can’t believe you need to reload in this) and a checkpoint, one of few stages to have a checkpoint in the middle of the stage instead of before the boss. More or less the “stock up on supplies” was just an excuse to get you at the shop for the new characters.
Now without further ado -begins grinding his teeth- let’s go to Town Square. When you get there you’re shown another cut scene where we’re introduced to, you guessed it, the Baskerville Hellhounds.
Sick em’ boy!
Now the best ways to dispatch a familiar this early in the game is either through the blessed weapons of Ranka and Amoura (The Quicksilver for example with its 16mm silver blessed bullets) and through Ranko’s sword being able to flat out absorb them when they get close. Otherwise they’re going to give you a very hard---
See? I wasn’t paying attention because I was explaining and they just killed me.
-starts kicking their asses with Ranka- Sit! Roll over! Play dead, motherfuckers! YEAH! Score one for the Video Game Nerd!
Alucard: Murder Nouveau.
Ayen: What?
-Ranka, Daikus and Ranko look up to see Alucard on top of one of the buildings in Town Square looking down at them-
Alucard: It is a pleasant night for a bite to drink, don’t you agree? -he asks before going back inside of the building he was occupying-
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Ayen: All right, time to sucker punch us a Nosferatu! -enters the building triggering yet another cut scene-
Daikus: What the fuck are you supposed to be? A lawyer?
Ayen: Fair question. Most lawyers do suck the blood out of ya.
Ranko: Who are you?
Alucard: My name is somewhat an enigma, though I have many, you can call me Alucard. It’s a wonder, who do you server, the government, a side organization of mythic hunters, or are you simply freelance. You obviously know the unnatural, you are the unnatural, so I can rule government out. But where can I classify you, you’re more than the demons I’ve slew here, or you would of never entered the building.
Ranka: Devil May Cry.
Alucard: I see…. Each life lost here will retell their story in hell, each story will be blown out of proportion, demon lords will rise up search for the sadistic impaler, they will hunt me, and they will die. If no one comes, then I’ll continue to repeat these antics until either there is no one left to kill. Such a wonderful goal, don’t you agree?
Ranka: The post-card’s already been sent. -aims the black revolver at the vampire- You’re just wasting ink.
Alucard: Lovely, someone who shows professionalism in their work. -sits up from his chair and draws the .454 Joshua- Three for the price of one, I’m starting to think that I may enjoy this before it’s over.
Ayen: -gets half his life gauge taken out with one hit at the start of the boss fight- Christfuckers!
Believe it or not this boss is actually harder than the last one! The Joshua, his WEAKEST weapon, can kill you in two hits while the 13mm Jackal, which he’ll draw after taking down some of his life gauge, can kill you in one, making having a life gauge all your own fucking pointless if he can just kill you in one or two hits! Ranko really is the preferred character to be playing as in this fight because you can repel his bullets (Hold down LT and X) and then absorb his familiars when he sends them after you (yeah you have to fucking fight familiars on top of bullets that can kill you in one or two hits) hell I know his guns are powerful but seriously dude. Why the fuck does he even need familiars?
There are some neat things you can do with your surroundings however. For example -has Ranka fire at the table and sets off the explosive sending pieces of wood impaling Alucard- Fuck yeah!
Alucard: More!
More! Hurt me more!
Ayen: Great. Now he has that damn Jackal out. Come on! Don’t die, don’t die, don’t---!
Ayen: Fuck! -starts up again- Come on, come on, come on---!
Ayen: Asshat! -downs the other half of his beer from earlier- All right, no more messing around! It’s time to take out this cluster fuck of dog diarrhea!
cue Hellsing theme
Tell me cool vibrations
Living your fantasy
Tell me who, tell me surely and the name
Ayen: -all three characters rushes Alucard and gets him into the corner-
I’ll be stunned, I’ll be waiting
Ghosts of horror show
In the darken….
don’t say your love
Ayen: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! -watches all three characters knock back about ready to die-
Down, now watching revelation
Ayen: -slowly run his hands down his cheeks screaming between game overs-
Take me, wanna take me revolution
Ayen: -holds the Nintendo zapper up to his head-
No, now watching the vibration
Ayen: -is curled up into a ball freaking out at how much the controller is vibrating due to the damage being inflicted by Alucard-
Take me from home and I’ll look into return….
Ayen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -opens up the console and takes the game out- ShubiduFUCKINGbidu this game is diarrhea coming out of my dick! This game was conceived in hell and crawled out the devil’s ass! It’s an abomination to mankind! -rips the game disc in half, runs into the bathroom and throws the game into the toilet and flushes it- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -the game, having made him insane was washed down into the sewers as an Angry Video Game Nerd reemerged from the bathroom victorious- I am so glad to be rid of that game! Can there be anything worse than Devil May Cry Endgame? -suddenly Ayen hears his computer starting up and a loading screen on the monitor that clearly reads:
Ayen: ……………………………………………………..mommy!
Source Material: Angry Video Game Nerd
Gott Ish Tot
Supernatural
Ginny: He’s gonna take you back to the past.
2011
2010
2009
2010
2009
Ginny: To play the shitty games that suck ass.
Ayen: -is shown playing Dragon Ball Crisis Core for the PS2 and throwing the controller down screaming ass-
Ginny: He’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
-shows shots of Ayen playing the RTS Ajerian Wars for the PC and playing as Alice on Dead Sight for the PS2-
Ginny: He’d rather eat the rotten asshole of a road killed skunk and down it with beer.
-now we see Ayen playing as Zira Firestone setting Doctor Cube on fire in WCL Unlimited for the XBOX360 and then him elbow dropping the game from his couch-
Ginny: He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard.
Ayen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ginny: He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd.
Ayen: -takes a hammer to the Nintendo Entertainment System-
Ginny: He’s the Angry Atari Sega Nerd.
Ayen: -punts them into the sky-
Ginny: He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd!
Ayen: -downs half a bottle of bear before setting it down- All right, I held this off long enough. -holds up Devil May Cry Endgame for the XBOX360- Let get this piece of diarrhea out of our asses! -opens up the game console and puts the disc in-
New Game
Load Game
Options
Load Game
Options
Ayen: Load game.
Ayen: Bros before whores -selects Ranka-
Now at the end of every stage you get a chance to upgrade your characters through the orbs you’ve collected during game play. For Ranka we have “Jungle Fury” (who thought of that?) for his claw where he can swing it at high speeds for massive damage. Level two explosives and on Amoura side upgrades for her Telekinesis and Desert Eagles. Nothing special this early in the game but for the things you run into you’ll want to buy all these upgrades as soon as possible. Now that I have the upgrades bought let get started on the next stage.
STAGE II
GOT ISH TOT
GOT ISH TOT
I see we’re trying to be more creative with the titles now. Let’s see -gets out an encyclopedia and flips through the pages- Got ish tot, got ish tot. Ah here we go. German for God is Dead. God is Dead?
Oh yes. God will die too.
Okay…. -the scene opens up to a very loud gunshot that threatened to shatter the eardrum and force Ayen to turn down the volume- Shit! -we see flashes of mangled blooded corpses on the screen really pushing that M rating- JESUS! -a figure dressed in red can be seen walking through the corpses and when the camera finally pans up to him what we see is the one, the only-
Ayen:
Ayen:
Ayen: I’m sorry, everyone, I must have somehow put in the wrong game. -Ayen goes up to his XBOX360 and opens it but finds that the game is correct- No it’s Devil May Cry Endgame and everything else has been correct so far. -puts the game back in and replays the scene- Don’t adjust your monitors everyone that really is Alucard. Not an original character using him as a representative like the majority of the other characters, but THE Alucard from the Hellsing Anime. Same goofy red hat, same yellow sunglasses, weapons and the same exact voice actors and yes, you have to fight the bastard. The royalty checks sent out to pave way for this game must have cost a fortune.
So we finally get to the level itself starting off in--- ugh Amoura is still following me around--- starting off in Dominion City. Named after the city in Yu-Gi-Oh but the city itself takes its appearance from the one in Devil May Cry 3 and you’re instantly catapulted by enemies; puppet demons, vampires and ghouls so you really want to take advantage of the explosive upgrades if you purchased them before this stage otherwise you have to cut on through.
After some time spent taking out enemies you find out that an unknown threat (AKA Alucard) is attacking Town Square and you need to get there but first Ranka notes that you need to take a detour to the shop to stock up on supplies so, off to Devil May Cry we go! When you get to the front of the familiar shop with the neon flashing sign you find two brand new characters at the front fighting off enemies. Take those out and you get a cut scene talking to the new characters who introduce themselves as Daikus and Ranko. Wait a minute!
Ranka
Ranko
Ranka
Ranko
Ranka
Ranko
Ranko
Ranka
What the fuck!? I mean are they related to each other in some way? They both wear red, they both have a cold demeanor, say very little and they have virtually THE SAME FUCKING NAME!
Immediately after the cut scene is over with you’re taken to a new screen where you have to choose your party. You have four characters but only three can be on screen at a time. Oh what a load of bullshit, it’s bad enough just having ONE ally constantly getting in my way, now you want me to have two!?
Well it’s not all bad. This time both your allies need to be killed off in order to get a game over so it gives you some time to bring the other back to life. Each character brings their own style into the game and it allows for various strategies against bosses depending on which party group you choose.
For the sake of the review I’m going with this team to show you the two new characters you unlocked during this stage. Daikus is the closest thing this game gets to Dante as a playable character, his weapons are similar to Rebellion and Coyote-A, his styles are the straight-up Swordmaster and Gunslinger and he’s an ass. He has some pretty funny banter with Amoura too when you have them together.
Ranko’s main weapon, simply labeled “Kasul” has the ability to absorb attacks from enemies and does twice the damage as the others because her weapon is supposed to drain the life essence of all those she faces. Plus her style is a good mix of Swordmaster and Darkslayer. Pretty fucking cool.
In the shop you find some ammo (still can’t believe you need to reload in this) and a checkpoint, one of few stages to have a checkpoint in the middle of the stage instead of before the boss. More or less the “stock up on supplies” was just an excuse to get you at the shop for the new characters.
Now without further ado -begins grinding his teeth- let’s go to Town Square. When you get there you’re shown another cut scene where we’re introduced to, you guessed it, the Baskerville Hellhounds.
Sick em’ boy!
Now the best ways to dispatch a familiar this early in the game is either through the blessed weapons of Ranka and Amoura (The Quicksilver for example with its 16mm silver blessed bullets) and through Ranko’s sword being able to flat out absorb them when they get close. Otherwise they’re going to give you a very hard---
GAME OVER!
See? I wasn’t paying attention because I was explaining and they just killed me.
-starts kicking their asses with Ranka- Sit! Roll over! Play dead, motherfuckers! YEAH! Score one for the Video Game Nerd!
Alucard: Murder Nouveau.
Ayen: What?
-Ranka, Daikus and Ranko look up to see Alucard on top of one of the buildings in Town Square looking down at them-
Alucard: It is a pleasant night for a bite to drink, don’t you agree? -he asks before going back inside of the building he was occupying-
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Ayen: All right, time to sucker punch us a Nosferatu! -enters the building triggering yet another cut scene-
Daikus: What the fuck are you supposed to be? A lawyer?
Ayen: Fair question. Most lawyers do suck the blood out of ya.
Ranko: Who are you?
Alucard: My name is somewhat an enigma, though I have many, you can call me Alucard. It’s a wonder, who do you server, the government, a side organization of mythic hunters, or are you simply freelance. You obviously know the unnatural, you are the unnatural, so I can rule government out. But where can I classify you, you’re more than the demons I’ve slew here, or you would of never entered the building.
Ranka: Devil May Cry.
Alucard: I see…. Each life lost here will retell their story in hell, each story will be blown out of proportion, demon lords will rise up search for the sadistic impaler, they will hunt me, and they will die. If no one comes, then I’ll continue to repeat these antics until either there is no one left to kill. Such a wonderful goal, don’t you agree?
Ranka: The post-card’s already been sent. -aims the black revolver at the vampire- You’re just wasting ink.
Alucard: Lovely, someone who shows professionalism in their work. -sits up from his chair and draws the .454 Joshua- Three for the price of one, I’m starting to think that I may enjoy this before it’s over.
Ayen: -gets half his life gauge taken out with one hit at the start of the boss fight- Christfuckers!
Believe it or not this boss is actually harder than the last one! The Joshua, his WEAKEST weapon, can kill you in two hits while the 13mm Jackal, which he’ll draw after taking down some of his life gauge, can kill you in one, making having a life gauge all your own fucking pointless if he can just kill you in one or two hits! Ranko really is the preferred character to be playing as in this fight because you can repel his bullets (Hold down LT and X) and then absorb his familiars when he sends them after you (yeah you have to fucking fight familiars on top of bullets that can kill you in one or two hits) hell I know his guns are powerful but seriously dude. Why the fuck does he even need familiars?
There are some neat things you can do with your surroundings however. For example -has Ranka fire at the table and sets off the explosive sending pieces of wood impaling Alucard- Fuck yeah!
Alucard: More!
More! Hurt me more!
Ayen: Great. Now he has that damn Jackal out. Come on! Don’t die, don’t die, don’t---!
GAME OVER!
Ayen: Fuck! -starts up again- Come on, come on, come on---!
GAME OVER!
Ayen: Asshat! -downs the other half of his beer from earlier- All right, no more messing around! It’s time to take out this cluster fuck of dog diarrhea!
cue Hellsing theme
Tell me cool vibrations
Living your fantasy
Tell me who, tell me surely and the name
Ayen: -all three characters rushes Alucard and gets him into the corner-
I’ll be stunned, I’ll be waiting
Ghosts of horror show
In the darken….
don’t say your love
Ayen: FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! -watches all three characters knock back about ready to die-
Down, now watching revelation
Ayen: -slowly run his hands down his cheeks screaming between game overs-
Take me, wanna take me revolution
Ayen: -holds the Nintendo zapper up to his head-
No, now watching the vibration
Ayen: -is curled up into a ball freaking out at how much the controller is vibrating due to the damage being inflicted by Alucard-
Take me from home and I’ll look into return….
Ayen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! -opens up the console and takes the game out- ShubiduFUCKINGbidu this game is diarrhea coming out of my dick! This game was conceived in hell and crawled out the devil’s ass! It’s an abomination to mankind! -rips the game disc in half, runs into the bathroom and throws the game into the toilet and flushes it- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -the game, having made him insane was washed down into the sewers as an Angry Video Game Nerd reemerged from the bathroom victorious- I am so glad to be rid of that game! Can there be anything worse than Devil May Cry Endgame? -suddenly Ayen hears his computer starting up and a loading screen on the monitor that clearly reads:
AJERIAN WARS
for the CD Rom
for the CD Rom
Ayen: ……………………………………………………..mommy!
The End
Source Material: Angry Video Game Nerd
Gott Ish Tot
Supernatural
